Octavia Butler

Octavia E. Butler has become one of my favorite writers over the past two years. Her books, while often disturbing, have an element in them that touches you. Octavia Butler was an African American Science Fiction/feminist writer, which come few and far between. Well, maybe not science fiction but speculative fiction, but who really wants to split hairs about that sort of thing.

The first book I read by hear, Parable of the Sower was actually on accident. I was in Barnes and Noble, and I randomly came across the book which was in the wrong section. The cover was a really pretty blue and had a girl on it who seemed like she was about my age. I couldn't find a book that I wanted, so I gave this book a try. The book was about this girl whose city was ripped apart and had to voyage across the country with her new "tribe". The book was great... I wasn't quite sure what it was that I liked about it, but I figured I would give her another try, so I read the sequel, Parable of the Talents.

The third book I read was Kindred, which is about a black woman who is transported back to the times of slavery. Once again, when I finished this book, I wasn't sure why I liked it, but I did.

The fourth book I read was Bloodchild and other stories. It was with this book that I figured out what I liked about Octavia Butler's writing. She is able to convey human emotions better than anyone that I have ever read (and I have read a lot of books).

This was especially pertainent in the fifth book I read from her, Wild Seed. This book is about two immortal beings who basically can't get away from each other; one heals and the other kills. But because they are immortal... they can only have each other. It is actually kind of wierd because you end up rooting for the being that kills to give into the other being because she really loved him. It was just a rollercoaster of emotions that you are taken on with her books... and I acually like it.

I am now on Lilith's Brood, which is a complication of three books Dawn, Adulthood Rites, and Imago. We'll see how I feel about these books later

I feel mouth blabber coming on...

I have been having a really wierd week. Instead of stressing out about the LSAT, I am now tripping off of my personal statement. They give you two pages double spaced, which in actuality in one page to write about yourself and convince them as to why they should accept you. I just need a page more... actually, just give me half a page more and I could do wonders. It's just really difficult to try to be detailed about yourself, but still concise.

Anyway, so for the first time yesterday... I actually had fun at a California club. Wow... I never thought that would happen. Usually all of the clubs here are either way too uppity (as in the dudes only dance with the white and asian chicks... also the chicks of questionable ethnicity too) or way too grimey (as in gold teeth and dirty looking locks). But I went to a place that was two blocks away from where I used to live and it was actually fun, I was pleasantly surprised.

Living at home with the parents is not fun... even though I don't have to pay rent anymore. I just can't stand the fact that my dad tries to make me feel guilty about seeing my boyfriend. I wanted to stay over to his house tonight, but no, my dad was going to freak, so I said no... though I really wanted to. I am just tired of not being able to do what I want... or feeling guilted into doing things... it is "so not the business".

That job in DC is really looking attractive right about now...

Crossroads

I am not talking about the nasty (explicative) dining hall at Cal... or the janky (explicative) club in Bladensberg/Hyattsville. I am talking about the crossroads of my life. WTF am I supposed to do right now? Huh? You tell me. I got a decent score on my LSAT... should have been so much better but I so effed up on the Reading comp... who gets 50 percent on the reading comp??? I mean really. Anyway, now I have to wait until March to really know where I am going. So what the freak am I supposed to do with my time until I start school in August? I am not about to keep working where I am now as a "General Office Assistant/Research Supporter"... that job was OK when I was studying for the LSAT's and all, but not now. It is just not cute any more.

Now, I could take this job in DC where I would be basically doing event management/ logistical coordination for various conferences. They would pay for my room and board and I would get $750 per week. OK, now tell me that is not hot. I do know that it would be a lot of work, but I am sure that it would be a good experience for me. Oh yeah, and it is actually in Chevy Chase, MD... very good neighborhood so I wouldn't be scared of taking the Metro places.

I kinda don't want to go for a couple of reasons... the boyfriend... and the parents. If I go, my boyfriend is going to be mad and break up with me... and I know my parents will miss me.

Yeah, I know you should not base your decisions on other people, but they are very important people to me.

Transport

I was in my car, sitting outside of Circuit City last Sunday and I was listen to 103.7. On Sunday morning, they switch the music to New Age as opposed to Jazz. Anyhoo, I was listening to it, and I heard this song that sounded kind of familiar. As I am listening to it... I suddenly remember where I heard this song... it was in FIFTH grade. We used to have quiet reading time, everyday for about an hour and my teacher would play this mixed CD of New Age music so we would be able to better concentrate. What is really wierd about this, is that I when I hear the song, I mentally went back to the BOOK I was reading... Where The Red Fern Grows.

WIERD.

Anyway, it is a really nice song, George Winston, "Thanksgiving". Very relaxing.

See I'm wise enough to know when a gift needs givin'!!!!

"Well (pronounced while) you know it Christmas, and my heart is open wiiiiide!!!" This is the funniest thing that I have seen Saturday Night Live put out in a long time. I mean seriously, this is straight comedy. I decided to put it up here because I have a feeling the FCC is going to take issue with it. He He He. Justin Timberlake gets mad points for this.



PS... I'm mad the song is catchy too... I've been singing it all day.
--
Update 1/11: And I was right... they did take my thing down. SO not coo.

Dizzam

Alot has gone on since I last wrote in here. I moved home, and I am both happy and sad. I am happy I don't have to pay rent anymore and can save up for law school... but I am still sad that I have to kind of leave my boyfriend out in the cold. It has been a really hard week for the two of us. He completly broke down a couple of times because he is also going through a lot with his lack of car and everything. Anyway, we almost broke up on Wednesday because he felt so betrayed by me, but he came to his senses. Anyway, we also had some issues because he read something that I read in this blog about anyother dude being sexy and he really didn't like that. But, he found an apartment with the person he was living with before me, he is getting a car when he goes back home, and he is now a manager at Circuit City which gave him a five dollar raise which is pretty good. So luckily thing are looking up.

I have realized somethings, I really do love him, I just don't do NOT want to lose myself or my dreams in him. I really want to be with him, I just don't want to become complacent and lose myself. I mean I really truely love that man, and I now that he really truely loves me too... it is just kind of difficult because we are BOTH at a turning point in our lives right now. I believe that we can make it... but honestly, it is not going to come with tears. But I do love him.

PS... I miss holding him at night the most. Smelling his back and kissing it... But I can still go over to his house when he gets it all fixed up.

Glossary

This is going to be an ongoing post. I know I have my own kind of language, and I am actually quite fond of it. I have been making up words and languages ever since I first layed my eyes on, "Clueless" (1995). It did wonders for my mental vocabulary creativity....

Be Real: a command to be realistic about a certain situation. circa 2002 (MD). Are you serious right now? Let's be real with our lives.

Not even a little bit(?): Usually used in response to a quick shut down. circa 2003 (Dave Chappelle). P1: Um, you need to stop. P2: Really? Not even a little bit???

Uh, yeah...no: a rejection of a premise by alluding to the fact that you may agree, then quickly turning around and rejecting it. circa 2001.

How bout no: a quick rejection of a premise. circa 2003

Not really: a quick rejection of a premise. circa 2000

Or Not: circa 2004

I'm sayin though: circa 2002

Not cool: circa 2004 (Geico Caveman Commercials)

Maybe you should do a little research... circa 2006 (Geico Caveman Commericals)

Not haute: circa 2004 (Paris Hilton/Nicole Richie)

Extra haute: circa 2004 (Paris Hilton/Nicole Richie)

Trickadocious: circa 2006 (my sister)

Beezie: circa 2005 (CAL track)

All get out: circa 2003 (MD Gyals)

Not the business: circa 2006 (CAL track)

Durr: Duh....

So: Can be used in any and all circumstances

Mode: The way someone is acting. ie. He's on trip mode. She's on hyper mode.

Is that how it's done:

Dude:

Doable:

Fyah:

Update 12/26: I tried to finish it, but I really just cant

Am I Pootang-footing around here?

I have so many emotions going through my mind right now it isn't even funny. When my mind is not constantly occupied by something (i.e school, track, or LSAT) I think. And I am a very good thinker... it is quite possible that I am too good at thinking. Well, you can never quite be too good at thinking, but I think too much.

Right now, the issue that I am choosing to overanalyze is what... my relationship. The whole.. is this really what I want. Well I think so, but then I think again and I am like no, I don't want this. I think I need more emotionally than my boyfriend is willing to give me. And this is not to say that he doesn't love me, because I know that he does. I just think that he is too immature to share himself fully with me. I mean seriously, we have been together for three years, and he still refuses to tell me what he is feeling about certain things. I mean really. I tell him everything, even when I think that it may hurt him. Why. Because my relationship with him is based on trust and honesty and respect, and I want to always be honest with him. But the problem I am having with him is that I know that he is having "thoughts" about me... he told me...but he won't tell me what they are about. Gimme a freaking break, because if they were good thoughts, then he wouldn't have a problem telling me about them, so I know they are negative. And I am saying that if you are having negative thoughts about me and the relationship then I don't want to be with you and I will be the bigger person and pack my things (literally) and leave (hey the lease is up in nine days anyway). LETS BE REAL WITH OUR LIVES. Honesty is the only thing that I need from people and he is not being honest with me. I am too damn old for this. Seriously. I am 22 years old. And the thing of it is... I am not even old. I am for all intents in purposes, VERY YOUNG (but still old enough to do cool things).

Relationships for the most part, seem like more trouble than they are worth from my vantage point.

Back in the days....

I am in one of those reflective moods. I get in these moods alot. Actually, I usually get in these moods when I am procrastinating. Today, I am procrastinating writting my personal statement. It's not that I don't have anything to say, because I do have a lot of things to say... they need to know why I have such an interest in education policy... however, I am having trouble writting it in a way that is not angry, but still meaningful at the same time.

Anyway... so I am here listening to Asheru and Blue Black and the Unspoken Word and it is bringing me back to the best year of my life at the best school ever!!!! I mean seriously, that was the best year of my life... to be honest, the only thing wrong with it was the fact that I was 3000 miles away from my parents and I only saw them three times in 10 months. That was harsh. But otherwise... I grew more in that short year, that I have in the three years that I was at the other school. Well, actually, the growth was a different type of growth. I learned who I was, what I liked, what kind of people that I wanted to keep company with and things of that nature. At home... I reverted back to high school quick. Everything that I learned about myself from MD, went in the toilet. It was only until my senior year (last year), that I got over the depression and lived life for everyday, which is my motto now.

Anyway, I seriously can't remember a time that I was happier. I was by myself... learning things about myself that I never thought were in me. I tried more things with an open mind than I ever had (except for drugs and alcohol, let's be real with our lives.. that's not me and that will never be me). I can still remember, over winter break (yes I was at school over winter break, the track team had to be back on January 2nd) I went out 5 out of an 8 day week. Can you say... dizzam. And it was fun as hell. Before MD, I had not been to a club or a party that was outside of a school dance.

I also went to events... especially the ones at the cultural center. I went to BSU meetings, poetry readings (they were good... I remember there was this one guy, I don't remember his name, but he wrote so well about his life it was so moving people were crying and stuff... not me though.. you know how I do), step shows... errrthang.

Above all, what I miss about my experiance at Maryland were the people. I have never met more people that I got along with and that did not judge me in my life. I was cool with everyone on my track team and most black people in my class and the sophomore class knew of me (come on, I was the one of two black girls from california in my class). One of my friends I met there, I'll call her Eliza (not her name, but who puts real names on here), is still one of my best friends. Another guy friend and I have kept in contact and have actually grown closer even though we are seperated. I have never met more real people in my life.

I can remember the feeling that I had then. I didn't know what it was, but it was happiness. I was introduced to so many things... living in SNOW, just everything. Going to the diner for late night was a standard activity. It started with me, I would AIM, or call Eliza (it had to start with me because I lived the farthest away from the diner), then I would swing by her dorm which was next to mine. Then we would swing by the other dorm in our "quad" where our friends Fola and Zamp (not their names either...) lived and we would go to the diner to chill out from studying. This was a daily thing. Fun as all get out.

I remember the house (eff that apartment/dorm room) parties we used to go too. It would be so many people in there that it was scary, but we were having so much fun, it didn't even matter. I even met Juan Dixon at one of the parties (I was in love with that dude Senior year of high school). I remember one party at the courtyards, there were so many people in the little living room/apartment. We had heard earlier that day that this one chick wanted to fight this other chick over a dude or something of that nature. So me and the three other aforementioned girls were there dancing or whatever, and these girls just start fighting kinda in the corner. Ok, so they finished, and we thought everything was cool. No. Not even a little bit. Two other dudes started fighting and people start falling and somehow I got pushed up against a wall with a whole bunch of other people. I couldn't breath and stuff... and I see a whole so I go for it... bad idea. The guys start coming in my direction and I end up tripping over them and falling but I got out... there was hella screaming and stuff going on. So I'm outside (the party was on the fifth floor and I am outside at the bottem in a quickness) and I realized that my fast track behind left my friends... so I decide to take on for the team and go back to find them. So I am running back up the stairs when everyone in their right mind is running DOWN the stairs. I see Eliza and Fola and I'm like, "Where's Zamp?" And they are like, she is still inside somewhere. So we go inside.. still fighting, and where is she? She is on the couch watching these dudes beat each other up. She wasn't spectating, but she was on the couch hugged up to her knees rocking. She just froze. We were like, "Get your ass over here"... and we ran out... and as soon as we get out we hear sirens. Now at UMCP, they have a MO to arrest anyone they can find that is outside of a party to make examples out of them, so we had to run our little happy buts back to campus. NOT COOL (at that time, it's funny now).

Two more stories, then I am done remenicing. I remember it was time for me to get my hair braided for the first time in MD, and I didn't know where any BLACK hair supply stores were. So I go on yahoo and find that the "nearest" was in Laurel, which is 20 minutes away. So, like a dumbass, I follow these directions (didn't bother to ask anyone from my track team or anything). So I end up mad lost, in a not so good neighborhood. So unlike AC Transit, there is no number to call to ask about bus scheduling or anything. So I called my mom, because I was there for like 2 hours with no bus coming back. I was crying and junk all scared because it was getting late and my phone was dying and I didn't know how to get back. She yahoo mapped my way back. That was probably the most scared I have ever been for my life, but once again, when I look back on it, it is now funny, and I grew from it so it is all good.

Last story, I promise. So, I was sometime in February. Me and the three aforementioned friends are bored, so we decide to go to our all time favorite club... THE RITZ. It is no longer there due to fire safety issues and such. Anyhoo, anyone that went to black clubs in the DC area should know the ritz. It was grimey as hell, but the reggae room was off the "chizane". They had a total of three rooms... the B-More club room, the Hip-hop/Rap room, and finally, the reggae room. Anyway, so it was the last night the club was going to be open anyway so we decided to go. NOTE: IT WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO SNOW. Anyway, so we get in there, HELLA people were in there and it was "popping". Anyway, so Fola was dancing with this dude, and this other dude tried to dance with her and the dudes started fighting. So I tap her, point to the door as a signal it was time to go and we all jet. So, at this point it is about 1:45, which was an early departure for us. So we get out the door and it is WHITE outside. It must have dropped four inches of snow in the three hours we were there. Long story short. We couldn't get a cab... we tried to stay at a the Marriot on 10th Street NW, but they were sold out. We went over to some unknown hotel, which looked like a ho motel, and our key broke off in the door. NOT a good sign. We finally found a cab, and it took 2 hours (on a normal day 30 minutes) to get back. Not a good night. But I was talking about it with Eliza a couple of days ago and we were rolling. To give you an idea of how bad it was, we were out of school due to incliment weather for the next four school days.

Those were the good old days.

You are extra not icey... thanks.

Music SERIOUSLY isn't what it used to be. And when I say "used to be", I don't mean 20 years ago (although I do mean that too), but just 4 or 5 years ago. So I am in the car, and "One Mic" comes on. This was only 5 years ago, but listen to this and listen to the junk that is on the radio today. Nas was actually saying things.... good and important things. And it isn't just what he was saying, but HOW he was saying this. I remember listening to this song in Senior physics class and talking to my friend about how this album was the best album ever, why... because it was deep to us. Fast forward 5 years which brings us to today... people like Nas are seriously no more. I mean you have your occasional record from Lupe Fiasco, maybe Talib Kweli, and Asheru.... but most of the junk is rapping about how tight someones bitch is... I mean really. Let's get it together.

The reason I decided to write this is because I heard that Young Jeezy, was on some radio station in Phily talking about how Nas is weak and hip hop is not dead. My whole take on it... Young Jeezy, trying to act like he is educated and knowledgable, got caught off guard and somehow worked his way into an argument where he started to equate hip-hop with music made by black people. Just because a black person makes a record and it is over a beat does NOT mean that it is hip-hop. According to my all time favorite resource... WIKIPEDIA... that is not hip hop. Young Jeezy said that because he has "street cred" (WTF!!!???) and Nas doesnt... Nas really isn't hip hop. OK, so you were a "Snowman" so you are more hip hop than one of the best artists in the hip hop genre. Give me a freaking break. Be real with your life.

Bureaucracy... Really though?

I ran track at one college for a year transfered to another school across the country and never really looked back... until a couple of days ago. The school that will remain unnamed... lets call it Easton school (don't get it twisted, the school I went to and the school that I graduated from were both D1 NCAA schools as well as Top 30 academic schools) was playing on TV and I saw in the student section their letter jackets. They were nice... I remember going to a track meet in New York the year after I transfered and I saw the letter jackets and thought they were nice, but since I was with the new school, I thought it would be somewhat inappropriate to get that jacket. But now that I have graduted and technically hold no allegiances to either school... I WANT THAT LETTER JACKET.

So I call what I think to be Easton schools athletic department and it's academic support who then transfers me to the track coach's phone number. This is a new coach who doesnt know who I am and it was quite awkward like... yeah, I only ran track on the team for a year and you don't know me, but I want my jacket. He said that he saw my name in the record... however because I was transfered, I would need approval from my old coach. I mean really, what am I supposed to do, call the old coach (who I REALLY didn't like) and be like, "Yeah, where's my jacket that you owe me from that one horrific track year where you made me gain 20 pounds and I was chronically injured and we got into arguments every day?"

Anyway, so I decided to email the Assistant Athletic Director in charge of Varsity Sports. I am just saying. I do want the jacket, but it is not extra crucial that I get it. HOWEVER, it is the principle. I shouldnt have to go through all of this. My name is there, I was there dammit. Look in the media guide. I scored points, gimme my jacket. Not even that serious. They just make rules to feel all important and stuff. It's really not cute. Not even a little bit.

Weffriddles

Ok, so anyone who likes riddles and who is fairly computer literate will LOVE weffriddles. It is kind of like an online treasure hunt/riddle thing. Well whatever it is, it is very fun and quite addictive. I've been on it for 2 days and am only on level 30 of 50. It really makes you think outside of the box... and since I have now become a freaking logic games genius... I like thinking outside of the box and deductivly... searching for clues and the like. It utilizes all aspects of computer use such as cut and paste... highlight function... jpeg, html, folders, naming... and other things that are not computer related. Anyway, it is cool.

It's back in style...

So what is up with all of these comedians using "the N word" like it is extra much in style... I mean really folks. Andy Dick tried to mock Kramer by going up on stage and saying "the N word", and then he comes out and says I am so sorry for saying it. I am just not understanding. There is something that is not quite right here to me. Is it cute to use racial slurs and then apologize for them? That makes it like it never happened right? Dude, I just don't get it. Some one, help me to understand. Please.

So I am sitting here on the eve of my LSAT... I can't even believe that it is already here to be honest. My plan was to do nothing today not to distract myself, so I went into Oakland to get my eyebrows done and then I went home and have been watching Grey's Anatomy ever since. I had never seen season one of the first half of season two, and I didn't think that I was missing anything, but everything makes a lot more since now. Anyway, the show as a whole kinda confuses me. Well it doesnt confuse me, but I don't understand how all of the people are so attractive... more to come.

OK, so here is the more to come, it is like 5 days after I started the post, but I got interrupted and I really didn't want to make another post. So anyhooooo...

I can't figure out why a good portion of the people on Grey's Anatomy are so attractive.... and in different ways. I mean seriously, none of them are ugly... some are just blah... but can you name another TV show where none of the main characters are ugly????

Let's be real with ourselves. I am usually not attracted to white dudes, but this show has three that could get it... McDreamy of course, McSteamy, and Karev.... they're extra hot. And of course in different ways. Well, Patrick Dempsey has always been hot... even in that movie when he was playing a 16 year old (he was really 22) who had like 2 wives or something. Anyhooo... and Karev got hot when I found out Justin Chambers was married to a black chick named Keisha. LOL.

Now, of course James Pickens (Chief )can get it.... I don't care if he is the same age as my mom.... he is one hot ass old dude. It's the salt and pepper beard. HOT. Now, as of two weeks ago, I would have said Isiah Washington was on the not hot list, but I just saw episode one last week and he was... I hate to say it... hot. They showed this one seen when his shirt was off and they kinda paned up..... yeah it was kinda nice. But then when he got hooked up with Christina and started acting like a little punk, he got unhot real quick.

Unhot list for the men... O'Malley... I'm sorry, he looks mousy.

Sorry, can't got into details with the females like that... but here's the list, but I must say that Kate Walsh (Addison)'s hair (which is not her natural hair color) just makes you stare at her...

Conclusion: Grey's Anatomy doesn't hire ugly people

Ok, so I just got done watching America's Next Top Model, and all I can say is.... WTF. Melrose looks like a dude. I am not one to talk about ugly people or whatever in regular life, but when people are putting that chick up like she is just so beautiful is absolutly ridiculous to me. No offense, but she looks like an absolute dude. I know that beauty is subjective and whatever, but she doesnt even look feminine to me. At most, she looks transvestitish in her pictures. Jada, who was "handsome" had boyish features, however, she ALWAYS looks like a girl. Melrose though, come ON.

Alma de Vita

So, I just downloaded a couple of songs from Paolo Rustichelli and I must say that he has a very unique style. He is classified as both Jazz and New Age (both of my favorites), but he also has a little bit of a Italian operatic voice. It's really wierd actually, but I like it. I think I likes him because his style is kinda like Philippe Saisse's... it's not something that you hear everyday on the radio. My favorite songs are Paisa (Mystic Man), Neopagan (Neopagan), Alma de Vita (Neopagan), and Sol (Neopagan). His music is really earthy, and it makes you feel good and in a way spiritual... not in the same way that gospel music or Christmas music might make you feel spiritual... but close to nature like. It's wierd.. I mean, just look at the few titles right there. Paisa means brother, Neopaganism is a religion that is kinda tied in with the earth, Sol is sun, Alma de Vita is kinda soul to life.

The only kind of disturbing thing about the music is he sings some of the vocals and his voice is really gruffy and somewhat operatic. It kinda disrupts the flow of the music sometimes, but it still is good.

Overall rate... 3 out of 5

Progression

Ok, so I have a feeling that I am going to be writting a lot today. First things first, LSAT is in 2 days... 2 days. One of the biggest standardized tests (next to the bar) that I will ever take in my life is in two days. I took off of work this week to get a lot of studying done and it seems as though it is actually working out. My practice test scores are going up because I realized how to finally do a reading comprehension question. YAY. You aren't supposed to actually read and understand the material, you just have to get the darn questions right. DUR. I mean seriously. I do feel a lot more confident, however I still feel like they are going to throw me some ridiculous logic games question and I am going to have NO IDEA how to do it. That is my ultimate fear.

Any way, so onto the more important things, Thanksgiving. My family couldnt figure out what to do for Thanksgiving, so we did the LCD and went to an old family friends house. I have known them since I was four. It was the first time that the girl would be back from grad school in NY, so I figured it would be interesting to see if she had changed. Me and the girl went to school together until 5th grade and kinda kept in touch, but our parents knew each other before, so they of course kept in touch. They always babied the girl because she is below average height (she doestn have dwarfism, but she is considered to be a LP). She also kinda had this thing about her... it was really hard to talk to her because she was so out of touch because her parents wouldn't let her live. And she was always kinda rounder. But anyway, so when I saw her, I was so surprised... she lost weight and she looked good. And we actually had good conversations and I didn't want to leave because we were having so much fun together. And her parents werent treating her like a damn baby. I was just so amazed how much she grew up in three months... we hadn't connected like that since 3rd grade because I always felt like we were just NOT on the same maturity level but my goodness, I could actually see her as being a friend.

OK, first of all, I'm not 100% in love with your tone

Now, on Geico caveman commercial four, I can't decide if the look is has while moving past the Caveman billboard was joy at seeing a caveman, or just like the, "Oh here we go again" look.

Last Random Post of the Day

So I'm on Rhapsody, and for some reason, I get into these moods where I just listen to all kinds of old music. So, for some reason, tonight I'm on Parliament Funkadelic, George Clinton, and ever other name they even served under. It made me start thinking about when I saw George Clinton in concert when I was in MD. That was the best concert I have ever been to in my life. It was outside and it was in Byrd Stadium... so it was ample dancing room on the field. It was a good amount of people there too, but there was also a Dru Hill concert that night, and you know people from Baltimore love them some Dru Hill. Anyhoo... I remember most vividly was Sir Nose... now I don't know if this was the same Sir Nose they used in the 70's or what, but he was still hot as hell. I don't care what anybody says. Me and my friends were just standing there watching him gyrate and stuff. LOL. I mean ole dude had BODY. It was great.

Kramer is at it again

Ok, so here Kramer is on Letterman explaining himself... and he is saying he is sorry and everything. Yeah, from first glance, you're like... good for him he is repenting... but yeah. It is so obvious, he is borderline racist, you know I mean seriously. It one of those things where I don't even think he really knows it, but it is just something inherent in his person. Dudes talking about Katrina, and "afro-americans" (I didn't think anyone really said that anymore...lol) and blacks and hispanics (I am not "hispanic" or anything... but I am pretty sure that it isn't exactly PC to say hispanic anymore. I'm not hating, I'm just saying)... and how he doesnt want to spark a black/white racial fued... yeah, it's just a lot.

So of course, I am going to make my obligatory LSAT reference.... it sucks ass, and it is still sucking ass, at least I have another week and a half to fine tune myself, because to be very honest, I am so damn sick of it right now it is not even funny. I mean not even a little bit. But whatever, I guess it will be cool on December 3, 2006.

Onto other topics... yeah, Kramer dude busted a gasket. I mean seriously. Check for yourself on youtube. I mean seriously, a sane person does not act like that. I really think that he slipped a disc or something, may something short circuited or something because normal people just don't act like that. And did he think the audience was going to support him. Uh, it wasn't like he was in West VA or Mississippi or something like that where he might have had a chance. And I am surprised a riot didn't break out, but then of course the story would have been turned to make Kramer look like the victim, so I am glad no one rushed the stage. This outburst was like Mel Gibson level. But at least Kramer really won't fall as much as Mel Gibson did because as the guy in the audience so eloquently put it... he's a nobody. And now we know that that erratic behavior he did when playing him was actually him, because no one can fake the kind of crazy he showed on that stage.

Now that Dancing with the Star's is off, there is nothing to watch on TV on Tuesday, which is to me, unacceptable.

Ok, so after some rest, I think I am ready to write again. Now I figured out what is wrong with my thought process here. I am at a serious cross in my life, I am on the brink of taking the the second biggest test of my life... and the brink of major serious changes in my life and was well as to my person (I mean seriously, as much as people want to say that they aren't changed by things, they are lying because each situation you go through changes you in some way, it doesn't necessarily have to be bad). I think the reason that I am having mental problems with my boyfriend is because I am scared that he won't fit into my later plans in life. Now that doesnt mean that I don't love him, because I love him so much it isn't even funny. I mean, we grew up in two different settings, have different views on life, everything about us is different beside the fact that we are in love with each other. That is pretty much the only thing we have in common. I love spending time with him, and there are very few people who make me laugh like him. HOWEVER, we don't really have intellectual discussions and he doesnt really mentally challenge me. I am in now way saying he is dumb because he is and extremely intelligent person, but he doesn't really use it (or better yet know how).

But then, he went back home this weekend and I really miss him. He's only been gone for three days and I miss him a lot. After December 20, he is supposed to move back home and I honestly don't know if I can take it. Also, I am not sure if he wants me to stop him. It never hit me until I was in the shower today... he may just need me to tell him that I don't want him to go. I just don't know. I am so confused. I don't want him to go at all, but I think that it would be selfish of me to ask him to stay up here and he can't afford it.

We have been together for three years, and we have had some ups and downs that turned into breaking up for four months. But we understand each other on the deepest levels so much. Everything that I "take issue with" with him is on the outer levels and honestly things that shouldn't matter all that much, but for some reason, I am acting like they do. I still love him so much. He is such a big part of my life, I don't want him to just leave. We're still going to stay together, but I know it is going to be hard... 300 miles away is a lot of distance both mentally and physically. And way, it just hit me how hard this is going to be if he actually decides to go home and I really don't want him to. I want him to stay with me. THERE I SAID IT.

3rd post of the day... what is up with me

So I must be procrastinating aka... not wanting to study anymore for the LSAT after I just took my last practice test. But yeah, this is my third entry of the day because I keep thinking of things I want to write about. And I actually forgt that quick and anyone who has actually talked to me in person knows that this is not an unusual thing. But I guess it is my signal to go and study.... WELLL

So, know I know that I am doing way much (actually it isn't way much because it is oh so necessary) with this LSAT thing. I am improving by leaps and bounds in Logic Games and Logical Reasoning, but I am still struggling with reading comprehension. I mean seriously, it seems like it should be nothing... read a passage and answer some factual questions about what you read. But it is so not that easy. Anyhoo... the reason that I am writting is because now, when ever I am talking to people or hearing people speak, I am constantly trying to pick apart thier argument. Actually, I did it before I started the law school, but now, what I do actually has names. I find myself thinking... wow... his argument is totally flawed because he is not considering other alternatives and such. Just things like that, or trying to find ways to weaken people's argument and stuff. NOT COOL. I mean seriously...But you know, a lot of people say that they don't understand what the point of the LSAT is in regards to law school. I was one of these people until last week, but know I know exactly why. The LSAT makes you questions EVERYTHING. You cannot assume anything that is not given to you and you can't bring in outside knowledge in order to attack a question. I mean while it is not like the MCAT where you learn specific knowledge, it does teach some of the skills that are needed to be a good lawyer.

On another note, CAL football sucks buttcheeks. They do this every single year, they start out really strong and then around mid november, they want to eff everything up. I mean seriously. I don't know if they get over confident or what, but they have done this in every year that I went there, and I am sure that they did it before I got there too. Now... what is the problem. Well obviously, one problem is no matter how good the team is, they won't be good without a good quarterback. Ayoob sucked, Longshore is sucking... what is the issue. But then, we must look to the source, Jeff Tedford (or as I like to call him, Teff Jedford). Maybe he has the ability to turn a program around, but I don't think he has the abilty to win big games. Seriously, it is something that is just not clicking.

If ignorance had a face...

Ok, so I am flipping through Essence magazine and I come across a quotes page. So Kanye West is on there, and his quote basically says that without the mixing of races, there wouldn't be video girls. Then he goes on to say that him and his friends happen to be very fond of "mutts". Yeah, this quote just screams out "I am one ignorant MoFo." I mean really, let's be real with ourselves. Who the hell says this, I mean seriously. There are so many implications to what he said it is not even funny. And he seriously has lost all kinds of credibility... not that he had much left after he bumrushed not one but TWO awards shows because he didn't win. Dude, get over yourself. I mean seriously, just because you spent over a million dollars on a video and because Pamela Anderson was in you video does not mean that you should get an award (confusing necessity with sufficiency...durr). That just means your behind is dumb for doing it. It is just ridiculous. And then I told my dad about the quote and he was like, "Isn't he the dude that made that Jesus Walks" with me song... I mean his whole behavior is paradoxical to me... and no matter how hard I try, I can not solve the apparent discrepancy between what he preaches and what he says.

Where has music/music vidoes gone..

Soooooo... I haven't watched videos in at least a year. I mean seriously. And the only reason they are on now is because I was watching Real World/Road Rules Challenge last night and it was left on MTV so when I turned to the TV on... the videos were on....

First, Justin Timberlake's, "My Love" just confused me. Aside from the fact that the lyrics are incredibly juvenille once you actually listen to them. I mean really, is he asking a girl to be his girlfriend or his wife... I mean seriously. I don't get it. Back to the video. I think I like the concept... but it wasn't played out very well. And to be honest, I liked the fact that he had white girl back up dancers. To me that added something, I don't know, maybe it's because you don't see it that often. But he lost me with the vignettes with him and a girl's ass in is face, yet she's in the background... and the same with TI. I just didn't make sense. And then the camera angle at the end when he was dancing by himself made me dizzy.

Second, Akon's "Smack That"... makes no sense whatsoever. SO that guy.... I forgot his name comes up and is like, "I'mma get yout out of here for 24 hours to help me". So where do they decide to go... a strip club. And this chicks look absolutly gross... I mean, they look sweaty and like they smell and they are just way to jiggly. Tone that mess up, I mean really.

Third, Jay-Z, now I like that video. It's not doing to much... maybe I just like it because I like the song. It's nice and not doing extra much. Jay-Z comes through again for me. Even Danica is in the video. And the chicks in the video are tastefull. Yeah, some were in swimming suits, but it was in the context of the video, I would even wear those. Side note: Even Beyonce looked good, and from me that's saying a lot because usually, she is a bit to jiggly for me, but she was toned ad everything. He has been "in the game" for a while and has matured over time... I mean seriously, I think people like Puffy, no P.Diddy, no Diddy want to act like they are maturing and that they are more than hip-hop, but it just seems so fake to me with "Diddy".

OK, the videos have now gone off and now "Pacey" is on some show on MTV that I have never heard of.

Yeah, so I'm a little late on this, but here goes...

So why did I just find out that people in DC couldn't vote. I mean seriously... I just had no idea. Yes, yes. I was a political science major and yes yes, I did take a class on Congress, and I have voted before, but it NEVER occured to me, that they don't get to vote. This new found knowledge has brought up some serious concerns that are not knew to anyone, however they are new to me so I will write about them.

First, that means that if I move to the DC metro area, I am probably going have to live in MD or VA because how are you going to tell me that I can't vote and I live in the United States... I mean come on now. Second, DC people shouldn't get taxed... they don't have any representation, THUS, they shouldn't get taxed. I mean seriously, I guess the American colonists words were in vain... no one learned from them.

Also, DC is majorly democratic... yet they have NO congressional voting rights... I mean WTF. Seriously, this is not OK. At least let them vote in MD or VA... particularly counties like Anne Arundel and Allegheny... PG doesnt really need it.

NOT COOL GUY....NOT COOL

LSAT Can Suck My.....

I really think that I am getting shafted with this LSAT class. I mean seriously, why I have I had like 7 different teachers, I mean really... how am I supposed to learn when we have a different teacher every other week. Let us be honest with our selves. All I know is I better improve or someone is getting a foot in there damn ass and I am not playing about that.

It's actually funny because I am actually doing worse since I started this class... I won't tell you which one company it is for fear of getting sued (not really... that's just kinda mean). But yeah, I am doing worse than when I started. What the hell is that. I mean really. I started out with a GREAT score in LR and sucky scores in Reading Comp and Logic Games. Now... I am doing GREAT in Logic Games, OK in Reading Comp... and SUCKY is LR. I am just getting overwhelmed with the different kinds of logical reasoning questions and the different ways to answer them. Anyone who knows me knows that I will pick an argument apart, weaken your argument and tell you the flaw in the assumption you made in your method of reasoning. I do this stuff naturally in my natural life and that is why I did SO well on this in my diagnostic... vut NOW... it's like I don't even know how to do it. My next practice test I am just going to do me, and not even trip.

Randomness Pertaining to TV

Attention: Why can't I make titles? Anyhooo.... more randomness.

Chris Noth is so freaking hot it isn't funny. Yes, he is 52... but I don't care. He could GET IT. I mean come on. Playing the wealthy, debounaire Mr. Big on Sex and the City just cemented his position of one of the hottest white guys ever in life. I mean come on, let's be real with ourselves. He is pretty cute in Law and Order too. Speaking of Law and Order, the guy that plays Stabler is rather hot for a white guy too. I think it is the tall, dark eyed and dark haired white dudes that I actually consider to be hot.

Anchal from America's Next Top Model is mos def the prettiest one on the show but she won't win. She is just too awkward when she is not modeling for one thing, the lack of self confidence isn't cute, and the judges just arent going to pick her because she is a size 4-6. That's actually why I like her, I can't see her ribs.

Lynette on Desperate Housewives is freaking pimp. Come on, I mean, break down the door to you husbands "person he has a kid with" and threaten to do to her spine what was done to her door in front of the chick's daughter is freaking pimp, I don't care what anybody says.

UCB is extra stupid because they charged me 20 damn dollars to get my transcript mailed to LSAC. UMCP charged me nothing. I also got my diploma today, and it was signed by the governator himself... lol. I laughed on BART today. It was very funny to me.

There's a lady at my work that talks and doesnt know when to shut up. She corners me at like 4:45 when it's time to go, and wants to talk. COME ON.

Prince's "Why You Wanna Treat Me So Bad" is a rather nice song. It was made in 1980... I was negative 4 years old. Anyway, at the end, there is this duel guitar solo... I really like it. Prince coulda even got it back then... especially that picture on the CD with the wild hair. WOOO

"What Does It Take (To Win Your Love)" is a really cool song that has been made over many times since the 1960's, but Peter White's version that came out this year is great. I was in the car the first time I heard it and was getting it in traffic and people were looking at me.

Logic Games are the best part of the LSAT because there isn't really anyway they can trick you.

Asheru, the artist that did the Boondocks theme song is a really good artist. He is conscious, yet not. And his music is really nice. How come more rappers cant be like him.

Return to your regular scheduled programming.

Randomness

Dancing With The Stars is interestingly pretty good. Emmitt is doing a really good job. I am proud. I he bringing us black athletes back up from where Jerry Rice left us last season. I mean really. He is doing good.

This is going to be a post of randomness. Here goes

LSAT class sucks ass. Doing good with all the other application processes.

I think my sister has a white boyfriend. Lol. Yeah.

I am actually starting to like college football now. What the HELL is up with that. I mean seriously, I watched two games last weekend with my parents

Books Are Pretty Durn Helpful

Last year, in my African American Studies class I read "Mama Day", by Gloria Naylor. This is "mos def" my favorite book for two reasons. The first reason is because I absolutly love the way it's written. For me, the mos tinteresting types of books are those that start out in the present and then recount how people got there. It makes it all the more interesting and meaningful when at the end you are back to where you started. The second reason I love this book is because it taught me a lesson that helped me get over 2 year depression about leaving Maryland.

It is not possible to go back and revisit a particular place in time. It is possible to revisit a specific physical place, but once time intervienes... it is literally impossible to return to what was. People change, settings change. This piece of knowledge let me know that even if I went back to Maryland, it wouldn't be like it was my freshman year. So I started accepting where I was and quickly got out of my depression and started excelling in academics and track... doing me basically. LOL. So yeah, I owe a lot to this book because if I had not read that one sentance when I did, there's no telling where I'd be. No no no. I wouldn't be a crack ho or anything... but I probably wouldnt have ended up with my ending GPA or on the top 10 all-time list in 4 events at my school. I mean seriously.

SO the point of this is to say that I am ready to go back to DC/VA/MD finally. I mean before, I wasn't ready. I mean I was, but not mentally. I think before, I just wanted to go back to freshman year, when I knew who I was, when I had the most fun that I had ever had in my entire life, to go back to when people liked me FOR ME and I didn't have to pretend. Now, 95 percent of my friends from freshman year are out of college like me and not around that area anymore. I genuinly did like the area and I am ready to go back and make a new life for myself there.

Plus, there are so many things that I missed out doing while I was there out of fear. Now most people would think... fear of comming out of my shell and stuff of that nature. No I mean fear of being shot (DC Sniper was like 5 miles away from campus), fear of getting bombed (always helicopters and sirens in DC right after Sept. 11... not a settling feeling). I feel stupid now, cuz I only went to one museum and that was because I had to.

This post came up because I was downloading some music... and for some reason, I started downloading all kinds of dance hall from like 2002/2003. I mean seriously, the feelings that rushed back to me were feelings that I never felt after leaving MD. They don't play that kind of music out here. They don't have the same clubs. It is just a lot. And it is not necessarily a place in time that I want to return to, but a physical place. A place where I can like what I like and other people like it too. A place where they play what I like to hear on the radio. A place where people don't judge you as much as they do over here. I cannot wait.

These Titles Are Cool

LSAT class is just not hot. I have no life... I am sucking right now at it... and it is just really NOT cool. I guess it will pay off when I get into great law school and all, but right now it is hard. In addition, my freaking recommendation quest is not going well. Tell me why the two teachers who knew me the best are not teaching this semester. One is back at Harvard, and the other is freaking in France? What kinda luck is that? Oh yeah, and the other couple of classes I got A's in, didn't have GSI's (TA's) and it is kinda hard to get to know the teacher when you have to run to practice after every class. But whatever. I have some options, but I really just wanted those two to write my recommendations. Oh yeah, lets not forget the personal statement. Its actually going pretty well... I guess I don't really have to vent with that one. So I have broadened (most people say narrowed, but I was pretty set on where I wanted to go in the beginning. I am applying to five schools in the Maryland/DC area, one school in Southern California, and one school in Texas... I don't think I have to say what area I would most like to end up in. Any way, I have carved a little free time out for myself...

This weekend I went to a free jazz concert from KKSF featuring Richard Elliot and my favorite artist in the world Philippe Saisse. Now, I had been thinking about this for like 2 weeks... I took off work two hours early and everything. Richard Elliot was on first and he was absolutly GREAT. No Philippe got on, and he was not so hot. He was playing new stuff that I mean NO one likes. And the audience was just NOT connecting with him like they were connecting with Richard Elliot. It made me think. I think the reason most jazz pianists are gravly under appreciated is because it is so much harder to connect with the audience when you are sitting at your little chair. I will admit I was kinda disappointed, but I had to keep the aforementioned in perspective. Side note: he was much smaller than I imagined.

Like I said previously, I have had about 3 blogs over the last four years, but then I get scared that some one is going to find out who I am, or someone that I am crushing on will somehow find it and read it. But I am so through with that. I really don't care anymore. I am writting this to be honest with myself. There is no reason to justify the way that I feel, or why I write things. There is just no reason. Who would I be justifying that to? Some random ass person out there who knows nothing about me except for the fact that I live in CA and write a blog. I mean seriously though.

I have kinda realized something though about myself though. I miss a lot of things in my life just because I am scared that I will either not succeed or I will get turned down. I have not applied for jobs for the fear that I was not qualified enough. I almost didn't go through with applying for law school because I thought who would want me. While writting my personal statement, I realized where this stemmed from. The feeling was so strong... I was sitting at my desk and my face got extremly flushed and I could feel myself almost start to cry.

Every "wierd" or "odd" or "different" facet of my personality stems from...... wait for it.... a bad break up? No.... a missed romantic oppertunity?...NO... my K-8 school??. BINGO. Being the only black chick in a room full of white kids will do something to your mental. I'm telling you. Even with all of the accomplishments I have made... I mean serious accomplishments. I still often feel as though I am not quite enough. Most people who meet me would think that I have all of the confidence in the world because that what you have to make people think in order to survive. Even if it is not true... never let other people know that.

I mean, I don't care that i am different, in fact, I revile in the fact that I know that there is NO ONE, I mean NO ONE who compares to me. Now, there might be females who are smarter than me, or females who are "prettier" than me... but they aren't me. As cocky as that sounds, I don't think it is. I just know what I have and I cool with that. I mean seriously, I have been saying this from 5th grade, I really truely and honestly think that I could have ANY man that I wanted. If they weren't immediatly physically attracted to me.... I could work it another way. I am so unique that men are able to overlook the fact that I look like I am 16. LOL. And that is not saying that I am ugly. In fact, I am quite attractive... however, it is that kind of beauty.... it's not fineness. More to come.. I gotta go to outback.

OK, so Imma hit on a couple of things here.... first things first.... just started LSAT class is not a joke... I won't have a life until December 3, 2006. So,I figured why not watch as much TV and surf the internet as much as possible in the next week before I can't anymore. These are my findings...

Onto better topics... SURVIVOR. Uh OK. So the black team, yeah wow. Ok. I don't even know what to say about it. They are damned if they do and damned if they don't. If they win, the show was rigged, and if they lose, black people are unfit to compete with the rest of the races. Well, the first episode, of course they lost the challenge by a lot because they couldn't put together a boat. Then they voted off thier strongest player/leader. Yeah I don't know what to say.

DANCING WITH THE STARS... Emmitt Smith did SO much better than I thought. He was on the beat and had good footwork. I guess that's the difference between runningbacks (Emmitt) and recievers (Jerry). lol. Vivica did pretty good and so did the no named young black actress. But the best for me was A.C Slater aka Mario Lopez... he was getting it (he didn't look to bad in the tight black outfit either). I can't remember anyone elses dance, so that means it was pretty uneventful. Note: I do know that I only mentioned the ethnic people... but they WERE the best. Oh yeah, Jerry Springer, needs to get off before he hurts himself... he looked like he was about to pass out.

FUTURESEX/LOVESOUNDS... a friend of mine said it was a good album/cd/whatever the hell they are called. Um, I beg to differ. It has 2 good songs, and the rest of them sound like Prince mixed up with Timbaland beats... I didn't like it. My Love and Sexyback are cool... but everything else...I don't know. And then Justin, probably to boost sales, goes on record saying he's done hella drugs and junk... uh who cares dude.

CELEBRITY DUETS: um....they are just a bootleg American Idol... and none of them can really sing, except Alfonso, Jai, and Hal. But I decided to include this because some of the star singers they use are looking bad, namely Jeffery Osborn. As my dad so softly put it... "It looks like Jeffrey did too much of that Crack... that Ni%%a looks old".

DCBlogs: That's a good website for anyone who enjoys reading random people's thoughts about thier lives and the world around them. I especially love the ones about dating mishaps. The best is this one about this gay dude who got dumped over text message... classic!

MYSPACE: My friend randomly Im's me sometimes and tells me to look at people's profiles. This chick we used to know is like myspace slut o the year. NOT COOL

OK Im done cause im distracted by AIM.

Ok, so when I meet someone new, regardless of the kind of relationship... friend, co-worker, random person, the issue of music always comes up. No matter who I talk to, when I tell them that my favorite kind of music is JAZZ, most people can't believe it. It doesnt matter if they are young or old... people just can't believe it. Is it because I am a 22 black young woman and I am supposed to like Hip Hop/R&B/Rap? Don't get me wrong, I do listen to those genres, but if I ever had to choose, I would choose Jazz in a second. But why is that so unbelieveable? Jazz; old school John Coltrane and Miles Davis or New School Brian Culbertson and Phillippe Saisse it doesnt matter, that stuff can get it. I mean seriously.

I attribute this to my father. Every Saturday morning, me and my dad would play Miles Davis or John Coltrane for at least four hours. I knew EVERY single note that EVERY single instrument made in EVERY song that either of those two artists made. That seriously taught me alot about music I cannot even explain it. At such a young age, having such complex music being somewhat drilled in your head is a really good thing. I think that allowed me to feel as many different fields of music as possible.

I MUST DIGRESS: I can't figure it out if Jerry Springer just f'ed up or if he actually did good. It was HILARIOUS though. LOL.

I just really need to do a post on Philippe Saisse. I love this white dude... I mean for real. have you ever heard some music that wasn't sad at all, but the complexity of the notes just makes you cry? Yeah, well Philippe Saisse does this to me. I mean seriously, I have sat here in the dark with chills and started crying, not boo-hooing or anything just because what I was hearing was amazing. Yes, when I feel music I FEEL music. In 11th grade, I heard a song on KKSF called, "The Girl With The Bottecelli Eyes". This was some funky fox, so I decided to buy the CD. Some french dude named Philippe Saisse, whatever. So I listen to it and could not put the thing down. I listened to it on the way from school, while playing Tony Hawk 2, I mean all the time. I wanted to see if he had any other records, but being kinda unknown in the US, he didn't have archived records in the stores. OK, I accepted it. Anyway, my freshman year at college, I found his fourth album, "NeXt Voyage" online so I bought it. This was the first time I cried about some music... and not why you would think. I played song 3, Riviera, and it was a song that I had heard in like 8th and was searching for for 5 some odd years. I was so happy number one because I found it, and that the song was from an artist that I liked so long ago. This album too was constantly in my CD player (mp3 players were only for rich people then). A little later that year, I went to the CD exchange where they sell CD's for really cheap. So I was looking for about 2 months in the discount section for his third album, Masques, and I couldnt find it. But one day, I found it on the 99 cent pile. I was so happy, and mad at the same time. One persons trash is anothers treasure. This album was on yahoo, but because they are so rare, they were selling it for like 50 bucks... I wasnt on his jock that much. Didn't quite cry, but was extra happy. OK, last thing. I also found on the campus intranet some other songs from his second album, which I thought was his first, Valerian. So fast forward to my Junior year of college, I had downloaded limewire. I was aware that he had an ablum called Storyteller, but Windham Hill was a bunch of biznitches and took it off the market and it was only sold in Japan. Long story short, I found a song of his, and listened to it, and immediatly started crying. I used to make mix tapes of KKSF when I was in 7th-8th grade and I had this song on there that I had only heard on the radio the one time that I recorded it. When I lost the tape, I was devestated because I loved the song. Turns out, Philippe Saisse made that song too. It was really emotional and I don't think that most people understand and probably think I am crazy. When you are an artist and can feel music as deeply as I do... this stuff touches you. I mean I feel in a way, connected (and not in a crazy way) to Saisse through the music because I have liked all of his music, even when I didn't know it was him. I have every ablum that he has made, except for the ones you can't get in America. He doesnt usually tour in CA, but if he did, I would go anywhere to see the music in person.

Another Side Note: Candy Dulfer's, "For The Love of You" is amazing. I could not believe that something that soulful came from a Scandinavian woman. "Soul" is typically thought to only inhabit Black people and men in particular. But there is one part of that song that gives me goosebumps. Get it white girl!

After I graduated college in May, well back up, back up, back up. Since about January 2006, I was missing on AIM, i mean for real. I stopped putting my pictures up on thefacebook (which by the way has gotten completly out of hand, who needs to know when I became friends with anyone or if I have recent activity??- not a member anymore) anyway... oh yeah, and had a blank page on myspace just to look how messed up some of the people from high school turned out. But anyway, upon returning to AIM in around August, I realized that you really do miss certain things. For instance, one of my friends messaged me and was like, "oh, I didn't have your number, but (ex-boyfriend who we shall call Grimey) messaged me on myspace and told me to tell you to check your messages. So I checked my myspace, and looked at his page and was like, "um ew". I mean dude was borderline grimey in highschool, but now, it's just like WOW. He looked hella gross, and had a old ass baby and stuff. It was just like, EW, did I really go out with him? I am SO happy I didn't relate him cuz I would regret that mess so much.

While looking disgustedly at his page that had semi-porno pictures of him on it ( you know the kind that a person takes of themselves in front of the mirror and the color is like hella off), and like there was just pictures of girl ass and happy trails and stuff and it was gross. I started thinking why the hell did I go out with this dude? I mean seriously. It is just amazing how much you could really like someone in 2000, but then be disgusted by them in 2006. I mean appaled.

Then that got me thinking about other past boyfriends/people I've talked to (7), I am now ashamed of two, which isn't bad. I mean seriously though, I was ashamed of my senior year boyfriend during and while, but this junior year one with the semi-porn myspace, I mean I was just so ashamed that I actually thought highly of him. Yes, I know people change and people's opinions changed, but I can't believed that I have changed that much and that I used think that people with no aims in life but to have sex and produce children and whose email address is sexualenergy or something corny like that is OK. Oh man, that was a long vent. Oh yeah, and the other one I'm ashamed of just smelled and he didn't take regular baths, so hells yeah I was ashamed of him, I mean come on!

Everyone else actually served a constructive purpose, so you can't be mad at them, or ashamed. You know.... Ok rant is over. Imma finish watching Dancing with the Stars, right after I write a quick music thing.