Octavia Butler

Octavia E. Butler has become one of my favorite writers over the past two years. Her books, while often disturbing, have an element in them that touches you. Octavia Butler was an African American Science Fiction/feminist writer, which come few and far between. Well, maybe not science fiction but speculative fiction, but who really wants to split hairs about that sort of thing.

The first book I read by hear, Parable of the Sower was actually on accident. I was in Barnes and Noble, and I randomly came across the book which was in the wrong section. The cover was a really pretty blue and had a girl on it who seemed like she was about my age. I couldn't find a book that I wanted, so I gave this book a try. The book was about this girl whose city was ripped apart and had to voyage across the country with her new "tribe". The book was great... I wasn't quite sure what it was that I liked about it, but I figured I would give her another try, so I read the sequel, Parable of the Talents.

The third book I read was Kindred, which is about a black woman who is transported back to the times of slavery. Once again, when I finished this book, I wasn't sure why I liked it, but I did.

The fourth book I read was Bloodchild and other stories. It was with this book that I figured out what I liked about Octavia Butler's writing. She is able to convey human emotions better than anyone that I have ever read (and I have read a lot of books).

This was especially pertainent in the fifth book I read from her, Wild Seed. This book is about two immortal beings who basically can't get away from each other; one heals and the other kills. But because they are immortal... they can only have each other. It is actually kind of wierd because you end up rooting for the being that kills to give into the other being because she really loved him. It was just a rollercoaster of emotions that you are taken on with her books... and I acually like it.

I am now on Lilith's Brood, which is a complication of three books Dawn, Adulthood Rites, and Imago. We'll see how I feel about these books later

I feel mouth blabber coming on...

I have been having a really wierd week. Instead of stressing out about the LSAT, I am now tripping off of my personal statement. They give you two pages double spaced, which in actuality in one page to write about yourself and convince them as to why they should accept you. I just need a page more... actually, just give me half a page more and I could do wonders. It's just really difficult to try to be detailed about yourself, but still concise.

Anyway, so for the first time yesterday... I actually had fun at a California club. Wow... I never thought that would happen. Usually all of the clubs here are either way too uppity (as in the dudes only dance with the white and asian chicks... also the chicks of questionable ethnicity too) or way too grimey (as in gold teeth and dirty looking locks). But I went to a place that was two blocks away from where I used to live and it was actually fun, I was pleasantly surprised.

Living at home with the parents is not fun... even though I don't have to pay rent anymore. I just can't stand the fact that my dad tries to make me feel guilty about seeing my boyfriend. I wanted to stay over to his house tonight, but no, my dad was going to freak, so I said no... though I really wanted to. I am just tired of not being able to do what I want... or feeling guilted into doing things... it is "so not the business".

That job in DC is really looking attractive right about now...

Crossroads

I am not talking about the nasty (explicative) dining hall at Cal... or the janky (explicative) club in Bladensberg/Hyattsville. I am talking about the crossroads of my life. WTF am I supposed to do right now? Huh? You tell me. I got a decent score on my LSAT... should have been so much better but I so effed up on the Reading comp... who gets 50 percent on the reading comp??? I mean really. Anyway, now I have to wait until March to really know where I am going. So what the freak am I supposed to do with my time until I start school in August? I am not about to keep working where I am now as a "General Office Assistant/Research Supporter"... that job was OK when I was studying for the LSAT's and all, but not now. It is just not cute any more.

Now, I could take this job in DC where I would be basically doing event management/ logistical coordination for various conferences. They would pay for my room and board and I would get $750 per week. OK, now tell me that is not hot. I do know that it would be a lot of work, but I am sure that it would be a good experience for me. Oh yeah, and it is actually in Chevy Chase, MD... very good neighborhood so I wouldn't be scared of taking the Metro places.

I kinda don't want to go for a couple of reasons... the boyfriend... and the parents. If I go, my boyfriend is going to be mad and break up with me... and I know my parents will miss me.

Yeah, I know you should not base your decisions on other people, but they are very important people to me.

Transport

I was in my car, sitting outside of Circuit City last Sunday and I was listen to 103.7. On Sunday morning, they switch the music to New Age as opposed to Jazz. Anyhoo, I was listening to it, and I heard this song that sounded kind of familiar. As I am listening to it... I suddenly remember where I heard this song... it was in FIFTH grade. We used to have quiet reading time, everyday for about an hour and my teacher would play this mixed CD of New Age music so we would be able to better concentrate. What is really wierd about this, is that I when I hear the song, I mentally went back to the BOOK I was reading... Where The Red Fern Grows.

WIERD.

Anyway, it is a really nice song, George Winston, "Thanksgiving". Very relaxing.

See I'm wise enough to know when a gift needs givin'!!!!

"Well (pronounced while) you know it Christmas, and my heart is open wiiiiide!!!" This is the funniest thing that I have seen Saturday Night Live put out in a long time. I mean seriously, this is straight comedy. I decided to put it up here because I have a feeling the FCC is going to take issue with it. He He He. Justin Timberlake gets mad points for this.



PS... I'm mad the song is catchy too... I've been singing it all day.
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Update 1/11: And I was right... they did take my thing down. SO not coo.

Dizzam

Alot has gone on since I last wrote in here. I moved home, and I am both happy and sad. I am happy I don't have to pay rent anymore and can save up for law school... but I am still sad that I have to kind of leave my boyfriend out in the cold. It has been a really hard week for the two of us. He completly broke down a couple of times because he is also going through a lot with his lack of car and everything. Anyway, we almost broke up on Wednesday because he felt so betrayed by me, but he came to his senses. Anyway, we also had some issues because he read something that I read in this blog about anyother dude being sexy and he really didn't like that. But, he found an apartment with the person he was living with before me, he is getting a car when he goes back home, and he is now a manager at Circuit City which gave him a five dollar raise which is pretty good. So luckily thing are looking up.

I have realized somethings, I really do love him, I just don't do NOT want to lose myself or my dreams in him. I really want to be with him, I just don't want to become complacent and lose myself. I mean I really truely love that man, and I now that he really truely loves me too... it is just kind of difficult because we are BOTH at a turning point in our lives right now. I believe that we can make it... but honestly, it is not going to come with tears. But I do love him.

PS... I miss holding him at night the most. Smelling his back and kissing it... But I can still go over to his house when he gets it all fixed up.

Glossary

This is going to be an ongoing post. I know I have my own kind of language, and I am actually quite fond of it. I have been making up words and languages ever since I first layed my eyes on, "Clueless" (1995). It did wonders for my mental vocabulary creativity....

Be Real: a command to be realistic about a certain situation. circa 2002 (MD). Are you serious right now? Let's be real with our lives.

Not even a little bit(?): Usually used in response to a quick shut down. circa 2003 (Dave Chappelle). P1: Um, you need to stop. P2: Really? Not even a little bit???

Uh, yeah...no: a rejection of a premise by alluding to the fact that you may agree, then quickly turning around and rejecting it. circa 2001.

How bout no: a quick rejection of a premise. circa 2003

Not really: a quick rejection of a premise. circa 2000

Or Not: circa 2004

I'm sayin though: circa 2002

Not cool: circa 2004 (Geico Caveman Commercials)

Maybe you should do a little research... circa 2006 (Geico Caveman Commericals)

Not haute: circa 2004 (Paris Hilton/Nicole Richie)

Extra haute: circa 2004 (Paris Hilton/Nicole Richie)

Trickadocious: circa 2006 (my sister)

Beezie: circa 2005 (CAL track)

All get out: circa 2003 (MD Gyals)

Not the business: circa 2006 (CAL track)

Durr: Duh....

So: Can be used in any and all circumstances

Mode: The way someone is acting. ie. He's on trip mode. She's on hyper mode.

Is that how it's done:

Dude:

Doable:

Fyah:

Update 12/26: I tried to finish it, but I really just cant

Am I Pootang-footing around here?

I have so many emotions going through my mind right now it isn't even funny. When my mind is not constantly occupied by something (i.e school, track, or LSAT) I think. And I am a very good thinker... it is quite possible that I am too good at thinking. Well, you can never quite be too good at thinking, but I think too much.

Right now, the issue that I am choosing to overanalyze is what... my relationship. The whole.. is this really what I want. Well I think so, but then I think again and I am like no, I don't want this. I think I need more emotionally than my boyfriend is willing to give me. And this is not to say that he doesn't love me, because I know that he does. I just think that he is too immature to share himself fully with me. I mean seriously, we have been together for three years, and he still refuses to tell me what he is feeling about certain things. I mean really. I tell him everything, even when I think that it may hurt him. Why. Because my relationship with him is based on trust and honesty and respect, and I want to always be honest with him. But the problem I am having with him is that I know that he is having "thoughts" about me... he told me...but he won't tell me what they are about. Gimme a freaking break, because if they were good thoughts, then he wouldn't have a problem telling me about them, so I know they are negative. And I am saying that if you are having negative thoughts about me and the relationship then I don't want to be with you and I will be the bigger person and pack my things (literally) and leave (hey the lease is up in nine days anyway). LETS BE REAL WITH OUR LIVES. Honesty is the only thing that I need from people and he is not being honest with me. I am too damn old for this. Seriously. I am 22 years old. And the thing of it is... I am not even old. I am for all intents in purposes, VERY YOUNG (but still old enough to do cool things).

Relationships for the most part, seem like more trouble than they are worth from my vantage point.

Back in the days....

I am in one of those reflective moods. I get in these moods alot. Actually, I usually get in these moods when I am procrastinating. Today, I am procrastinating writting my personal statement. It's not that I don't have anything to say, because I do have a lot of things to say... they need to know why I have such an interest in education policy... however, I am having trouble writting it in a way that is not angry, but still meaningful at the same time.

Anyway... so I am here listening to Asheru and Blue Black and the Unspoken Word and it is bringing me back to the best year of my life at the best school ever!!!! I mean seriously, that was the best year of my life... to be honest, the only thing wrong with it was the fact that I was 3000 miles away from my parents and I only saw them three times in 10 months. That was harsh. But otherwise... I grew more in that short year, that I have in the three years that I was at the other school. Well, actually, the growth was a different type of growth. I learned who I was, what I liked, what kind of people that I wanted to keep company with and things of that nature. At home... I reverted back to high school quick. Everything that I learned about myself from MD, went in the toilet. It was only until my senior year (last year), that I got over the depression and lived life for everyday, which is my motto now.

Anyway, I seriously can't remember a time that I was happier. I was by myself... learning things about myself that I never thought were in me. I tried more things with an open mind than I ever had (except for drugs and alcohol, let's be real with our lives.. that's not me and that will never be me). I can still remember, over winter break (yes I was at school over winter break, the track team had to be back on January 2nd) I went out 5 out of an 8 day week. Can you say... dizzam. And it was fun as hell. Before MD, I had not been to a club or a party that was outside of a school dance.

I also went to events... especially the ones at the cultural center. I went to BSU meetings, poetry readings (they were good... I remember there was this one guy, I don't remember his name, but he wrote so well about his life it was so moving people were crying and stuff... not me though.. you know how I do), step shows... errrthang.

Above all, what I miss about my experiance at Maryland were the people. I have never met more people that I got along with and that did not judge me in my life. I was cool with everyone on my track team and most black people in my class and the sophomore class knew of me (come on, I was the one of two black girls from california in my class). One of my friends I met there, I'll call her Eliza (not her name, but who puts real names on here), is still one of my best friends. Another guy friend and I have kept in contact and have actually grown closer even though we are seperated. I have never met more real people in my life.

I can remember the feeling that I had then. I didn't know what it was, but it was happiness. I was introduced to so many things... living in SNOW, just everything. Going to the diner for late night was a standard activity. It started with me, I would AIM, or call Eliza (it had to start with me because I lived the farthest away from the diner), then I would swing by her dorm which was next to mine. Then we would swing by the other dorm in our "quad" where our friends Fola and Zamp (not their names either...) lived and we would go to the diner to chill out from studying. This was a daily thing. Fun as all get out.

I remember the house (eff that apartment/dorm room) parties we used to go too. It would be so many people in there that it was scary, but we were having so much fun, it didn't even matter. I even met Juan Dixon at one of the parties (I was in love with that dude Senior year of high school). I remember one party at the courtyards, there were so many people in the little living room/apartment. We had heard earlier that day that this one chick wanted to fight this other chick over a dude or something of that nature. So me and the three other aforementioned girls were there dancing or whatever, and these girls just start fighting kinda in the corner. Ok, so they finished, and we thought everything was cool. No. Not even a little bit. Two other dudes started fighting and people start falling and somehow I got pushed up against a wall with a whole bunch of other people. I couldn't breath and stuff... and I see a whole so I go for it... bad idea. The guys start coming in my direction and I end up tripping over them and falling but I got out... there was hella screaming and stuff going on. So I'm outside (the party was on the fifth floor and I am outside at the bottem in a quickness) and I realized that my fast track behind left my friends... so I decide to take on for the team and go back to find them. So I am running back up the stairs when everyone in their right mind is running DOWN the stairs. I see Eliza and Fola and I'm like, "Where's Zamp?" And they are like, she is still inside somewhere. So we go inside.. still fighting, and where is she? She is on the couch watching these dudes beat each other up. She wasn't spectating, but she was on the couch hugged up to her knees rocking. She just froze. We were like, "Get your ass over here"... and we ran out... and as soon as we get out we hear sirens. Now at UMCP, they have a MO to arrest anyone they can find that is outside of a party to make examples out of them, so we had to run our little happy buts back to campus. NOT COOL (at that time, it's funny now).

Two more stories, then I am done remenicing. I remember it was time for me to get my hair braided for the first time in MD, and I didn't know where any BLACK hair supply stores were. So I go on yahoo and find that the "nearest" was in Laurel, which is 20 minutes away. So, like a dumbass, I follow these directions (didn't bother to ask anyone from my track team or anything). So I end up mad lost, in a not so good neighborhood. So unlike AC Transit, there is no number to call to ask about bus scheduling or anything. So I called my mom, because I was there for like 2 hours with no bus coming back. I was crying and junk all scared because it was getting late and my phone was dying and I didn't know how to get back. She yahoo mapped my way back. That was probably the most scared I have ever been for my life, but once again, when I look back on it, it is now funny, and I grew from it so it is all good.

Last story, I promise. So, I was sometime in February. Me and the three aforementioned friends are bored, so we decide to go to our all time favorite club... THE RITZ. It is no longer there due to fire safety issues and such. Anyhoo, anyone that went to black clubs in the DC area should know the ritz. It was grimey as hell, but the reggae room was off the "chizane". They had a total of three rooms... the B-More club room, the Hip-hop/Rap room, and finally, the reggae room. Anyway, so it was the last night the club was going to be open anyway so we decided to go. NOTE: IT WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO SNOW. Anyway, so we get in there, HELLA people were in there and it was "popping". Anyway, so Fola was dancing with this dude, and this other dude tried to dance with her and the dudes started fighting. So I tap her, point to the door as a signal it was time to go and we all jet. So, at this point it is about 1:45, which was an early departure for us. So we get out the door and it is WHITE outside. It must have dropped four inches of snow in the three hours we were there. Long story short. We couldn't get a cab... we tried to stay at a the Marriot on 10th Street NW, but they were sold out. We went over to some unknown hotel, which looked like a ho motel, and our key broke off in the door. NOT a good sign. We finally found a cab, and it took 2 hours (on a normal day 30 minutes) to get back. Not a good night. But I was talking about it with Eliza a couple of days ago and we were rolling. To give you an idea of how bad it was, we were out of school due to incliment weather for the next four school days.

Those were the good old days.

You are extra not icey... thanks.

Music SERIOUSLY isn't what it used to be. And when I say "used to be", I don't mean 20 years ago (although I do mean that too), but just 4 or 5 years ago. So I am in the car, and "One Mic" comes on. This was only 5 years ago, but listen to this and listen to the junk that is on the radio today. Nas was actually saying things.... good and important things. And it isn't just what he was saying, but HOW he was saying this. I remember listening to this song in Senior physics class and talking to my friend about how this album was the best album ever, why... because it was deep to us. Fast forward 5 years which brings us to today... people like Nas are seriously no more. I mean you have your occasional record from Lupe Fiasco, maybe Talib Kweli, and Asheru.... but most of the junk is rapping about how tight someones bitch is... I mean really. Let's get it together.

The reason I decided to write this is because I heard that Young Jeezy, was on some radio station in Phily talking about how Nas is weak and hip hop is not dead. My whole take on it... Young Jeezy, trying to act like he is educated and knowledgable, got caught off guard and somehow worked his way into an argument where he started to equate hip-hop with music made by black people. Just because a black person makes a record and it is over a beat does NOT mean that it is hip-hop. According to my all time favorite resource... WIKIPEDIA... that is not hip hop. Young Jeezy said that because he has "street cred" (WTF!!!???) and Nas doesnt... Nas really isn't hip hop. OK, so you were a "Snowman" so you are more hip hop than one of the best artists in the hip hop genre. Give me a freaking break. Be real with your life.

Bureaucracy... Really though?

I ran track at one college for a year transfered to another school across the country and never really looked back... until a couple of days ago. The school that will remain unnamed... lets call it Easton school (don't get it twisted, the school I went to and the school that I graduated from were both D1 NCAA schools as well as Top 30 academic schools) was playing on TV and I saw in the student section their letter jackets. They were nice... I remember going to a track meet in New York the year after I transfered and I saw the letter jackets and thought they were nice, but since I was with the new school, I thought it would be somewhat inappropriate to get that jacket. But now that I have graduted and technically hold no allegiances to either school... I WANT THAT LETTER JACKET.

So I call what I think to be Easton schools athletic department and it's academic support who then transfers me to the track coach's phone number. This is a new coach who doesnt know who I am and it was quite awkward like... yeah, I only ran track on the team for a year and you don't know me, but I want my jacket. He said that he saw my name in the record... however because I was transfered, I would need approval from my old coach. I mean really, what am I supposed to do, call the old coach (who I REALLY didn't like) and be like, "Yeah, where's my jacket that you owe me from that one horrific track year where you made me gain 20 pounds and I was chronically injured and we got into arguments every day?"

Anyway, so I decided to email the Assistant Athletic Director in charge of Varsity Sports. I am just saying. I do want the jacket, but it is not extra crucial that I get it. HOWEVER, it is the principle. I shouldnt have to go through all of this. My name is there, I was there dammit. Look in the media guide. I scored points, gimme my jacket. Not even that serious. They just make rules to feel all important and stuff. It's really not cute. Not even a little bit.

Weffriddles

Ok, so anyone who likes riddles and who is fairly computer literate will LOVE weffriddles. It is kind of like an online treasure hunt/riddle thing. Well whatever it is, it is very fun and quite addictive. I've been on it for 2 days and am only on level 30 of 50. It really makes you think outside of the box... and since I have now become a freaking logic games genius... I like thinking outside of the box and deductivly... searching for clues and the like. It utilizes all aspects of computer use such as cut and paste... highlight function... jpeg, html, folders, naming... and other things that are not computer related. Anyway, it is cool.

It's back in style...

So what is up with all of these comedians using "the N word" like it is extra much in style... I mean really folks. Andy Dick tried to mock Kramer by going up on stage and saying "the N word", and then he comes out and says I am so sorry for saying it. I am just not understanding. There is something that is not quite right here to me. Is it cute to use racial slurs and then apologize for them? That makes it like it never happened right? Dude, I just don't get it. Some one, help me to understand. Please.

So I am sitting here on the eve of my LSAT... I can't even believe that it is already here to be honest. My plan was to do nothing today not to distract myself, so I went into Oakland to get my eyebrows done and then I went home and have been watching Grey's Anatomy ever since. I had never seen season one of the first half of season two, and I didn't think that I was missing anything, but everything makes a lot more since now. Anyway, the show as a whole kinda confuses me. Well it doesnt confuse me, but I don't understand how all of the people are so attractive... more to come.

OK, so here is the more to come, it is like 5 days after I started the post, but I got interrupted and I really didn't want to make another post. So anyhooooo...

I can't figure out why a good portion of the people on Grey's Anatomy are so attractive.... and in different ways. I mean seriously, none of them are ugly... some are just blah... but can you name another TV show where none of the main characters are ugly????

Let's be real with ourselves. I am usually not attracted to white dudes, but this show has three that could get it... McDreamy of course, McSteamy, and Karev.... they're extra hot. And of course in different ways. Well, Patrick Dempsey has always been hot... even in that movie when he was playing a 16 year old (he was really 22) who had like 2 wives or something. Anyhooo... and Karev got hot when I found out Justin Chambers was married to a black chick named Keisha. LOL.

Now, of course James Pickens (Chief )can get it.... I don't care if he is the same age as my mom.... he is one hot ass old dude. It's the salt and pepper beard. HOT. Now, as of two weeks ago, I would have said Isiah Washington was on the not hot list, but I just saw episode one last week and he was... I hate to say it... hot. They showed this one seen when his shirt was off and they kinda paned up..... yeah it was kinda nice. But then when he got hooked up with Christina and started acting like a little punk, he got unhot real quick.

Unhot list for the men... O'Malley... I'm sorry, he looks mousy.

Sorry, can't got into details with the females like that... but here's the list, but I must say that Kate Walsh (Addison)'s hair (which is not her natural hair color) just makes you stare at her...

Conclusion: Grey's Anatomy doesn't hire ugly people