Overwhelmed

This is a time for big changes right now...and I'm not even sure how to feel about it. Do I go back to California? Do I stay in Texas? Do I strike out on my own and move to the East Coast? Do I get back together with my boyfriend? Do I leave him for good? Do I try to make something more out of a friend? Do I leave it as is?

Just too many choices to make. Yes some are bigger than others, but they are all weighing on me and making me a miserable wreck right now. There isn't one day that goes by that I do not feel like crying because of these decisions. It is so overwhelming and I wish it would just stop.

I'm A Bleep Bleeping Psychic

What did I tell ya'll.... I said Imogen Heap's "Aha!" was going to be on SYTYCD and I said Wade Robson or Mia was going to do it....and who did? Wade. BAM. lol. That's just a song MADE for choreography.

So This Is What It Feels Like To Feel Again....

But then again, I do not know what I want. All I know is that from now until I graduate in May is a really long time. I can't expect him to stay single for 6 months...I can hope...but I can't really expect it. Although he has been single for 7 years so I don't really know...

The man that's stolen my heart
And beauty is his name
I'm hoping I can make you mine
'For another woman steals your heart
And once your beauty is mine
I swear we will never be apart

What the Hell Have I Done?

Sooooooo....it's been three weeks and apparently, that's all it took for reality to set in for me. This isn't going to happen. It just isn't. No matter how much I think about it, it's not going to happen. It COULD happened. It's not like its the circumstances, no no, it is because of the person.

Realistically. I know him. I know how he operates, I know how he functions. I know he isn't going to go for this/us. Yeah, he could go for me, but the fact that it isn't easy...he won't do it.

And I can already feel it. I let him in and know I am the one that is going to be hurt. But you know, you reap what you sow...and this is what I get.

I can dream and think about it as much as I want to, but it really isn't going to happen. Does it hurt....yes it does. A lot. And for the first time in the three weeks, I do actually feel like I am going to cry.

I don't know how I even let some ish like this happen to me. THIS is why I don't let go. And THIS is why I have not honored my feelings for 7 years. THIS right here.

And the worse thing... I would usually go to him for advice about this.....got damn. I have really fucked the shit up yo. So upset right now.

Why Family Guy is Awesome Part Deux

"...and you do that weird trembling thing...I have a copper deficiency!"

Once again, Family Guy is awesome. BTW copper deficiency can cause loss of muscle control.

"...drinking melted butter for a midnight snack."

Well that was one from The Cleveland Show....but still it fit.

One More Thought For Effing "Perspective"

Oh, I don't know what to do
I can't stop wanting you
Oh I'm in love, I'm in love with my best friend
It's tearing me apart, because he has my heart
Oh I'm in love, I'm in love with my best friend

I've been wanting you for many life times now
And I'm so afraid to tell you how I really feel
You have been there for me I was 13 and you were 14
Best friends for years, where do I go from here

Oh, Oh, I can't stop the way that I feel
Everytime I see you, I lose control
I just can't let it go, no
A kiss from you, ooh how does it feel, Oh I wonder
I'm so close to you, but I wanna get next to you,

Oh, I don't know what to do
I can't stop wanting you
Oh I'm in love, I'm in love with my best friend
It's tearing my apart because he has my heart
Oh, I'm in love, I'm in love with my best friend

When we're out together everybody smiles at us
Cause they think that you're my man, so I hold your hand
Like you're my man
I keep hoping that you'll notice me
And maybe one day you and I could be
Together more than just friends yeah

Oh, I can't hide the way that I feel
Everytime I see you I lose control
I can't let it go, no, no
Kissing you just won't be enough
I need all of you, I wish you wanted me
Like I want you, oh, yeah

Oh I don't know what to do
I can't stop wanting you
I'm in love, I'm in love with my best friend
It's tearing my apart, because he has my heart
I'm in love, I'm in love with my best friend

If you only could understand the things that he does for me,
Beautiful, wonderful, gorgeous and simplicity
He describes all the things that love is about for me

And I got to have him, yes I want him
I want him, I need him
I'm in love with my best friend
I'm in love, yeah

Oh, I don't know what to do
I can't stop wanting you
Oh, I'm in love I'm in love with my best friend
It's tearing me apart, because he has my heart
I'm in love I'm in love with my bestfriend

Perspective Is Now My Least Favorite Word...

I wish we didn't have to have perpective...
I wish I could shake you...
I wish I could tell you how I really feel...
I wish I didn't have to be strong...
I wish you knew what I wanted...
I wish we had more time...
I wish we weren't 1500 miles apart...
I wish we could be together...
I wish I didn't want you...
I wish I didn't want to talk about you...
I wish I didn't think about you...
I wish I didn't still feel you...
I wish you didn't make me feel music like you do...
I so wish we didn't have to have perspective...