Limbo-mania

So I'm still in this really weird mode right now. It is all kinds of wow. I am trying not to be overanalytical typical girl, but um yeah.... I just have no earthly idea what's going on. We're still friends, but are we more than that? I mean it doesnt matter as nothing can materialize for at least 6 months...but it would be a nice thing to just.....know.

So about a month and a half ago, I went to DC and kinda had a three days and nights of awesomeness. I went to go to a conference, but I stayed with one of my guy friends, who I met my first year of college...we'll call him...Aduli (for some reason, that's what my best friend has named him, so we will use that name here to protect all parties involved).

Just to get a little background on the "relationship". We met my freshman year in college...I was an athlete and he was my student athletic trainer. lol. Funny I know. So we kinda hit it off from the get go...as friends though. There has always been this undescribed chemistry between us. Long story short, we kept in contact even though I changed schools and moved across the country.

So for the past 6 years, we've just talked on aim/gchat, and somehow, have developed a really good friendship. When I was having relationship problems, he was the first person I would go to and vice versa. About 3 years ago, I went to DC to visit schools and we hung out a little...but it was kinda a disaster. At this point, I was in a relationship and was totally thrown off by my feeling an attraction to him. I was so nervous and felt so guilty and felt like I was cheating on my boyfriend, that I totally ruined the night and was like "take me home".

BUT, we still kept talking over gchat and such. And funny enough, the relationship even grew from there. We talked about politics, TV, music, life, pretty much everything else in between. There has always been this sort of understanding that we connect so well, but we were 1500/3000 miles apart so nothing could materialize from it. And like I said, both of us recognized this. So that continued for three years, until a month and a half ago.

So I (wisely or unwisely, whichever way you want to go with it) decided to stay with him while I was in DC for the conference. He picked me up from the airport, I dropped my stuff off and we went to dinner. I hate to sound so cliche, but the chemistry really was just crazy. There were no serious lulls in the conversation, it just was so natural. And I think that really says something provided that since that first year, we have only seen each other twice. But I mean, 6 years...you do get to know each other...But I digress. We both had a glass of wine, so we were kinda loosened up and it was just happening. So after we ate, we rented a movie and went back to his apartment to watch it. Then we talked for like 3 hours afterward and decided it was time to go to sleep. SUPER platonic.

So I was going to go to sleep on the couch but he was like, "You can sleep in my bed, it's big enough for the two of us". Mistake #1. So he told me he had to do this motivational call to a client at like 8:30 but he didnt want to wake me up (thoughtful huh) So I said OK. I tried to stay like on the edge of the bed the entire night. And he was a complete gentleman...he didn't touch me the entire night. Now the next morning...different story. He took the call and then he got back in the bed. Mistake #2. So we talked for about 30 minutes before he was like, "Do you want a massage". Mistake #3. It was the best massage I have ever had. Not a full body, but just from my waist to my neck. And let me say that I NEVER let people touch my neck...but I let him all up in there. lol. We then somehow started play fighting or whatever. Just joking around and having a really good time. It actually took a lot out of us, so we were just laying down for a while. And out of nowhere, he's like, "I'll be right back". So he comes back and throws the cover over both of us....and turns on this flashlight that he had just retrieved and is like, "I used to like to pretend under the covers like they were tents". lolol. Hilarious. And if you knew this dude, you'd know how big of a deal that was. It was literally like in that moment, I saw his wall just crumble and come down in front of me. Something so simple, but it really did mean a lot...kinda symbolic actually. We stayed under there for like 15 minutes just kinda laying side by side and looking at each other. And it was kinda funny, but I remember laying there and realizing, "I think we are holding hands". Once again, it seems like a really stupid thing to memorialize, but just the way everything just floooooowed....freaking amazing. Somehow, I ended uprubbing his palm and he was rubbing the top of mine. And that's a big deal for me, because I really dont like touching.

So we literally just laid for 15 minutes, just breathing, and being, and looking at each other. I woulda been content if we just left it at this. But no. So then...he says, "Would you be incredibly mad at me if I kissed you". All I remember is giggling and then his lips were engulfing mine, but in an oh so good way. It started really sweetly and innocently. Kinda like a "I can't believe we are kissing each other type thing". Then it just got like incredibly intense. We didn't have sex, both of our clothes remained on...but pleasure was HAD. On both of our parts. We just kissed and touched and rubbed and held each other for like 4 hours straight. Then we decided we should probably get up, but as we got up, we started kissing again...and somehow ended up on the floor for like a hour. Then, Aduli said he wanted to take a shower. So I said I'd watch him (lol so not like me). So I get in there and he starts running the bath water and went to go get his swim trunks and was like, "Will you get in with me, you can put these on". And so I did....Mistake # I lost count. lol. So we're in the tub, sitting across from each other (that was actually a pretty big tub). And somehow, we started kissing yet again...for like an hour AND he started to act like he wanted to pull an "Australia" on me, until I nipped that in the bud and we got out.

So we got out and the music was still playing and everything. So I'm drying off with the towel around me and he like gently pins me against the wall and we go at it AGAIN. That was the sexiest thing I have ever experienced in my life. Please believe if I wasn't concerned about my sanctity and purity, I would have taken him right there...but I couldnt give it all up at that point.

So the next day, he told me I forgot my charger at his apartment and that he was going to bring it to me. So he did. I came out of my hotel and saw him there...looking amazing. So he gives me my charger and I say thanks and buy and turn around to walk back to my room. So I'm walking back but I dont see his car pass me, so I turned around and here he comes running up to me. So all I got out was , "Really Aduli"? And he just smiles and tips my chin up and gives me like the most passionate kiss ever. EVER. Just all up in public with people all around and everything. It was outside in the crisp Maryland fall air. It was just beautiful. So I was like, "I can't believe you did that". And he said, "Well I couldn't wait another 3 years to do that again. I couldnt".

Like OMG. Mother freaker. So after I got back home, a week went by before EITHER of us discussed it. And we talked multiple times. But I broke down and was like, we need to talk about this, so we did. And I let him know how I felt and he let me know how he felt. He was like, he had never had as much fun with anyone as he had with me and he felt something and blah blah. So then like about a week later, he tells me that he's been having a hard time forgetting about what happened and where I fit into his life and should I and how I fit in with him dating other people and stuff. So I told him I pretty much felt the same way, but we just left it at that. And at one point, I think he tried to bring up the subject of visiting me, but I kinda ignored it because at THAT point, I still kinda had a boyfriend. Although last week, he said I should come spend New Years/his birthday with him...but I don't have any money, and I have to be back in Austin on the 3rd of January anyway. And we've had some conversations ABOUT the goings on of that weekend and what we enjoyed and what we didn't blah blah. I'm talking 8 hour conversations and carrying on. But then a couple of nights ago...it turned SERIOUS and that is all I am going to say. But oh my goodness...I am feeling this dude uncontrollably like no other. Why can't school just be done so I can move to Merraland!!!!!!!!! (and for those of ya'll who think I'm moving to MD because of him, please check my previous posts from like 3 years back where that has always been my goal...) 6 more months man! Maybe I'll visit him for my birthday...or he could visit me...

But the whole point of this long behind post was to describe the limbo and the reason for the limbo. It's a good place because it's exciting and inticing. But it's a bad place because it is nerve racking and I just wish I could call him and tell him to come over so I can touch him.

And I'm not oblivious, I know the situation. I'm not expecting him to stop dating people or going to the club every weekend. I know he's a serial dater. I know how he is. I'm not his girlfriend nor do I want to be at this point. I mean in June, who knows, but right now, I don't really want to get into an all encompassing relationship again. I just hope he was wait 6 months for me. Wouldn't that be about a bitch if he got into a relationship in the next 6 months, when he was NEVER had a relationship before?