The Shaft

I have had a love hate relationship with Track and Field since 1999, when I started doing it. I have always liked it because I was great at it. In high school, I was the best in northern California in 3 events, and that is no bullish. I would tell you to look it up, but then that would require me to put my real name up on here, but I don't think I am going to do that. But I digress, a have always felt a degree of resentment toward Track because I've felt that it took away experiences that I should have had. There were many social things that I didn't get to do because of track, but I will admit that others had it worse (my boyfriend didn't get to go to prom because his MOC meet was the same day).

This love/hate relationship continued and worsened in college. My first year, I went to unnamed school in Maryland and they recked havoc on my body. I gained 20 pounds of muscle and was constantly hurt because my little frame couldn't support all that weight (I went in at 125 left at 140). I decided that I had too much potential in track to just waste away there (I was an high school all American for crying out loud), so I decided to transfer to Cal. I wasn't very learned about the transfer process or anything like that, so I wasn't aware that I could redshirt my outdoor season and add it to my season at the new school, and the coaches didn't tell me. So I was basically running hurt all year. However, that year, 2003 was no doubt the best of my life. Because I sucked at track and was constantly hurt, I paid more attention to my social life. I actually DID things, I had a close group of friends and I was a genuinely happy person.

When I transferred to unnamed school in California , I realized what a mistake I had made, and was bitter the whole time. I was still hurt from my Maryland injuries, and the coaches too no time to try to heal me. I was STILL the second fastest on the team with my injuries, so the coaches decided to run me still hurt. This happened for 2 years, without a mention of redshirting me. Then my last year, when I had 5 more credits left to take, my coach was like, "Maybe we should redshirt you this year". Dude, I have 5 credits, you can't exactly redshirt on 5 credits. I had recovered finally from my injury (after 3 years, dang) and I was tearing ish up. I made it to number three on the unnamed school in California All Time List in one event and am number one on 3 relays and I am on the list in two other events. At my regional track meet, the meet before NCAA's , I made it to the final in one event, and that was the first time, the coaches ever sent me to get treatment from an Olympic physical therapist. Just ignore my ass for three years, and now you wanna give me attention and I had one more damn race left. If that isn't the shaft I don't know what is.

I was thinking about this Saturday, and it made me so mad, I got a migraine. I devoted seven years of my life to track and field and I ended up with the biggest shaft ever man. What makes it worse, is that when I left (May 2006), I was in my prime. I was jumping the farther than I have ever jumped, I was running faster than I ever ran. I coulda taken this year and tried to make it on the pro circuit, and honestly, no bullish, I believe I coulda made it on... but I didn't have anyone to sponsor me, and running track takes money. Plus, I felt it was time to be real about my life and start my adult life, thusly, law school. Yes, I did basically go through college free (I have 2,000 in loans and that's only because I wanted to go on vacation one summer, lol) but I missed out on so much because of track. I coulda gotten better grades, done internships, made good friends, not just acquaintances at unnamed California school. But you know, what's done is done, but it just burns my up to know that I got played big time for the last three years of my life.

Through this experience, I have learned a lot about myself though... and I am appreciative of that, but it still hurts when I look back on it.

Bastards. But I'm not angry.
Conclusion: Don't get hurt in NCAA D1 College Sports.

209

Engaged and Underage

Ok.... a couple of days ago, a friend asked me if I was just too conscious... if I thought about everything consciously. My answer to that was yes.... his response was to ask if it made me too mad, and my answer is no. I find an issue... then discuss it or write it in my blog, then I dispose of it. So NO, I don't think that I am overly conscious about the world. Things bother me and I have to say them, so there. HMPH.

OK, so the title of the post. MTV has a show called, "Engaged and Underage" and I can't help but wonder if this is a bit socially irresponsible. Yes, the minimum age to be on the show is 18 and one can legally get married at 18 so there really shouldn't be a problem right? Yeah, wrong. I think there is a big problem. When you are 18, you are just a child. I don't care what experiences you've gone through or blah blah, you are still a child. There is no way at 18 to completely know oneself. Yes, it is true that some 30 or 50 or 70 year olds don't know themselves as well as they would like to, but there are more life experiences that come with age.

Anyway, my problem is that the show makes it seem OK for 18 year olds to be married. Although I am a proponent of "Doing You", I can't understand why someone would do this. And I am not just talking out of my behind because I only too well know the feelings that are going though their minds. At 20, I KNEW I wanted to get married to my boyfriend and he KNEW he wanted to get married to me. I mean convinced and there was no one who could tell me any different. I didn't really discuss it with anyone, but I knew that people didn't agree with it and I couldn't understand why. Now, I am 23 and I KNOW that would have been the biggest mistake ever. That doesn't mean that I don't love him, because I do, but it is not the right time. We aren't settled and don't know ourselves yet. Not the time.

To me, the show is saying, "People tell you you are too young to get married, well then eff em because these people did it so SO CAN YOU!!!" However as much as I am going off about the show... I can't stop watching it because it is so hilarious to me. Especially the Mexican chick and the black dude that were going to get married. They had this big ass immature ass blow out on the eve of their wedding, they treated each other like ish, yet they still got married. Or the two couples who lived in their parents guest house/ a trailer in their garage. WTF? This just proves these people aren't mature or stable to be getting married. GAAH.

BOOOOOOOO

Learning is fundamental. I have always been an avid fan of getting my erudition on. I have only just realized in the past week that I can have all the fun learning whatever is in a book or whatever a teacher tells me to learn, but when it comes to learning about myself.... I have issues.

I thought I knew a lot about myself before going on my trip, however, I have just realized that what I do know is very limited. I know what I like and what I don't like, but I have no idea who I am on the inside. It hurts to say this, but I almost feel as though I am the same person as when I graduated from high school.

I have also learned that when it comes to people telling me about myself... I do not know how to take it. It is the most painful thing to have someone that you know and respect tell you about yourself. Yes yes, I know that it is necessary to have others (especially those that you care about and who care about you) to tell you things they see, but it still hurts. It just sucks to have someone remind you that you are no where near the person that you want to be and that you can be.

Also, I have always prided myself on being a step above most other people in the intellect and wit department. I have somewhat used this to seperate myself from others, well I wouldn't say seperate, but I have used it as a sort of barrier. Especially with guys, I just mentally run over them with no question, which leaves me in control. But how can you grow if no one challenges you? Over my trip in DC, I actually WAS challenged by someone from the opposite sex and I didn't even know how to react to it and kinda fell apart and morphed into some wierd being that is soooo not me. LOL. I have no way of relating to guys without flirting to establish control... and I need to stop that.

Conclusion: I am 23 and need to do something about myself soon.