Is It Wrong...?

Is it wrong that I listen to old school jazz when I am studying because it reminds me of a night on the town in a large city? Is it wrong that I listen to this music while I am studying to remind myself of my ultimate goal... to work in a big firm in DC that will HAVE nights on the town...that will pay me what I am worth?

Is it wrong that I never want to live pay check to pay check? Is it wrong that I don't want to do enough to get by, and that I actually want to be sucessful?

Is it wrong that when I look at my future, I see myself as being sucessful in an office with a view in the District of Columbia? Is it wrong that I see myself with an equally successful man with whom I will have children who will be asking WHICH college they are going to not IF they are even going?

Is it wrong that I want a good life for myself and my would be family? Is it wrong that I never want me or my family to ever go for want? Is it wrong that I want to be able to make enough money to be able to somehow repay my parents back for all of the sacrifices they had to make to put my in private school instead of the Oakland Public School I was bound for? Just let me know if it is wrong?

Yeah, I didn't think so, so when people try to make me feel bad about my goals and aspirations I am really confused. I used to wonder what that said about me. Before I came to law school I was guilted into beliving that if I said I wanted any of these things that I was being boogie...just like my parents. But now, it makes me wonder what is up with the person that sad that too me. Why do THEY think that it is OK to be mediocre and to not live up to your potential. Why do THEY believe that it is OK to just skate by in life? Why? Is it somewhat admirable to struggle? I don't understand the logic behind people trying to guilt others into being mediocre like themselves.

I like to think that I have accomplished somethings in my life, but I have always done just enough to get by. I am not an A student... I am a straight up and done B+/A- student. I am sick of seeing that on my transcripts... straight up and down sick of it. So... to all of the people that see me relentlessly studying, don't judge me, I just ask that you somewhat understand. I have never wanted anything more in my life, nor have I tried or put more effort into anything in my entire life. So if you cannot accept it for what it is... that is saying more about you than me.

Don't Hate, Just Look and Appreciate. Thanks

Yeah, so one of my track coaches was telling the graduating seniors last year how we were going to be hated on by everyone at our grad school/jobs in the next year. Why? He said because of the track body. I was like, "Whatever, it isn't even that serious" and kinda ignored it, but I am finally starting to get this reaction from people. It's really sad actually. It's almost like people are so insecure with how they look, they have to always say something about someone else. People are always going around commenting on my body in one way or another. The remarks range anywhere from "You have a really cute shape" to "You need to eat". The comments closer to the first one, I don't really mind, but the second comment is just so wrong on many levels. First of all, I am 134 and 5'5.... which is like a GREAT ratio. I don't need to eat, the problem is is that YOUR ASS needs to STOP eating. I am sorry your BMI sucks, but there is no need to hate on my because of it. And sometimes, it's not even the comments, it's what's NOT said. I'm starting to notice people staring at me. And they are never looking at my face, there are always looking at my middle sections. Last comment, so today, this lady was like, "I have to eat steamed broccoli and cauliflower everyday at lunch so I can look like you. You're ridiculous". I wasn't offended by this comment, but it was the comment that sparked this post. It's almost like it is unnatural for people to be in shape anymore and I really don't understand why.

And another thing that bothers me, people act like I didn't work for what I have. I worked out 6 days a week and twice on 4 of those 6 days. It took a lot of sacrifice, so don't act like I am just so lucky that I look this way.

This is just coming up for me because at work, I wear "real people" clothes and I am not always in sweats and stuff so people can see the shape. When I go to law school, it's back to tee shirt and shorts for me... this attracts too much attention. And no I am not being cocky because anyone who knows me knows that I am on the opposite end of that spectrum.