Sooooooo....it's been three weeks and apparently, that's all it took for reality to set in for me. This isn't going to happen. It just isn't. No matter how much I think about it, it's not going to happen. It COULD happened. It's not like its the circumstances, no no, it is because of the person.
Realistically. I know him. I know how he operates, I know how he functions. I know he isn't going to go for this/us. Yeah, he could go for me, but the fact that it isn't easy...he won't do it.
And I can already feel it. I let him in and know I am the one that is going to be hurt. But you know, you reap what you sow...and this is what I get.
I can dream and think about it as much as I want to, but it really isn't going to happen. Does it hurt....yes it does. A lot. And for the first time in the three weeks, I do actually feel like I am going to cry.
I don't know how I even let some ish like this happen to me. THIS is why I don't let go. And THIS is why I have not honored my feelings for 7 years. THIS right here.
And the worse thing... I would usually go to him for advice about this.....got damn. I have really fucked the shit up yo. So upset right now.
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