Achtung!!!!! I'm BACK!

So the "I'm back" is in reference to too things. First, I'm sort of kind of back blogging. Yeah, they say your 3L year is the easiest...someone surely lied to me but I don't remember who it was. If I remembered, I'd be coming after them. I had no freaking time for ANYTHING. See, I'm flashing back. Second, I am back in Maryland after a 7 year vacation. Freaking finally. Aside from those to things, a lot of other interesting things have happened to me in the past 7 months since I last posted. Lets take a look see shall we:

1. I graduated law school. I am officially a "JD". Shoot, I'm calling myself a doctor. Whatever.
2. Stated studying for the Maryland Bar Exam. OMG.
3. I broke up with my boyfriend of 6 years.
4. I was single for 6 months.
5. Acquired a new boyfriend...who happened/happens to be my best guy friend in the world.
6. I moved back to Maryland
7. I got a job
8. Acquired a doorman lol
9. Found out who my real friends were
10. Alot of other random stuff that shant be mentioned.

Point being, it has been a very eventful 6 months for me. I suspect these next six months will be quite eventful as well.

So I've been here for a month, and I'm already loving it. I love the culture, I love the atmosphere...I even love the weather. It's like a happy medium between California weather and Texas weather. That being said, I only still kept in contact with two people here (one being my current boyfriend) so I don't know too many people yet. I feel slightly isolated, but part of htat is because I spend hours upon hours studying for the bar. I know that these feelings will probably go away when i start my job, but in case they don't...I have a full proof plan. I plan on joining as many organizations as humanly possible. Even thinking of joining an alumni chapter of a sorority. Oh shoot.

Point being, I want to make Maryland my permanent home so I want to put down some fixtures (or roots as non legal people would call them) so I feel like it is my home. When I was in Texas, i never put down any roots because I knew that I was going to be up out of there. Never changed my license plates, my drivers license, registration, insurance or ANYTHING. However, now I am. I mean shoot, I already went to the MVA (DMV) to get my registration done. I tried to remove my old license place from the vault, and I did get a little bit sad. Changing your license plate is like changing your identity. I joke, but I'm kiiiiiiiinda serious here.

But like i said, I'm really excited for this move, and I am ready to start my life here (again). It's actually kind of sad because I have been studying so hard that I havent really had a chance to go sightseeing or anything, but I'm getting there

Riddims

It still amazes me how different all dancehall riddims are and yet the are so similar (in a good way). The all posses pretty much the same parts, there just switched around a bit. So the new ones for 2007 I like include....

- Heathen
- Drumline/Timeline
- Red Razor
- Gully Slime
- Nookie

Heathen especially has that beat pattern I like... kinda the same like the b'more club music. That same basic pa... pa... pa... pa... pa pa... pa etc. Just makes you wanna get on the floor and gyrate... in a classy way of course. LOL. Brings me back to good ole days of freshman year in the RITZ!!!! Yeah, it was a ghetto club*, but hey, they played the best dancehall in DC at that point.

* Ghetto meaning torn up couches, sticky floor, just kinda grimey. I suppose I coulda used the term "dive", but who uses dive in terms of clubs? I mean seriously. That term is for bars. So although I don't necessarily like the work ghetto.... it shall suffice in the situation as I cannot find an appropriate substitute.

The Shaft

I have had a love hate relationship with Track and Field since 1999, when I started doing it. I have always liked it because I was great at it. In high school, I was the best in northern California in 3 events, and that is no bullish. I would tell you to look it up, but then that would require me to put my real name up on here, but I don't think I am going to do that. But I digress, a have always felt a degree of resentment toward Track because I've felt that it took away experiences that I should have had. There were many social things that I didn't get to do because of track, but I will admit that others had it worse (my boyfriend didn't get to go to prom because his MOC meet was the same day).

This love/hate relationship continued and worsened in college. My first year, I went to unnamed school in Maryland and they recked havoc on my body. I gained 20 pounds of muscle and was constantly hurt because my little frame couldn't support all that weight (I went in at 125 left at 140). I decided that I had too much potential in track to just waste away there (I was an high school all American for crying out loud), so I decided to transfer to Cal. I wasn't very learned about the transfer process or anything like that, so I wasn't aware that I could redshirt my outdoor season and add it to my season at the new school, and the coaches didn't tell me. So I was basically running hurt all year. However, that year, 2003 was no doubt the best of my life. Because I sucked at track and was constantly hurt, I paid more attention to my social life. I actually DID things, I had a close group of friends and I was a genuinely happy person.

When I transferred to unnamed school in California , I realized what a mistake I had made, and was bitter the whole time. I was still hurt from my Maryland injuries, and the coaches too no time to try to heal me. I was STILL the second fastest on the team with my injuries, so the coaches decided to run me still hurt. This happened for 2 years, without a mention of redshirting me. Then my last year, when I had 5 more credits left to take, my coach was like, "Maybe we should redshirt you this year". Dude, I have 5 credits, you can't exactly redshirt on 5 credits. I had recovered finally from my injury (after 3 years, dang) and I was tearing ish up. I made it to number three on the unnamed school in California All Time List in one event and am number one on 3 relays and I am on the list in two other events. At my regional track meet, the meet before NCAA's , I made it to the final in one event, and that was the first time, the coaches ever sent me to get treatment from an Olympic physical therapist. Just ignore my ass for three years, and now you wanna give me attention and I had one more damn race left. If that isn't the shaft I don't know what is.

I was thinking about this Saturday, and it made me so mad, I got a migraine. I devoted seven years of my life to track and field and I ended up with the biggest shaft ever man. What makes it worse, is that when I left (May 2006), I was in my prime. I was jumping the farther than I have ever jumped, I was running faster than I ever ran. I coulda taken this year and tried to make it on the pro circuit, and honestly, no bullish, I believe I coulda made it on... but I didn't have anyone to sponsor me, and running track takes money. Plus, I felt it was time to be real about my life and start my adult life, thusly, law school. Yes, I did basically go through college free (I have 2,000 in loans and that's only because I wanted to go on vacation one summer, lol) but I missed out on so much because of track. I coulda gotten better grades, done internships, made good friends, not just acquaintances at unnamed California school. But you know, what's done is done, but it just burns my up to know that I got played big time for the last three years of my life.

Through this experience, I have learned a lot about myself though... and I am appreciative of that, but it still hurts when I look back on it.

Bastards. But I'm not angry.
Conclusion: Don't get hurt in NCAA D1 College Sports.

209

Ideas v. Reality

I personally think ideas of things are better than reality, or in most cases. Sometimes, you can build a picture in your mind of something but when you are confronted with the reality of it, it is not as good as you imagined it to be. This goes for people especially. But you know, it doesn't take away from what the person is, it just kinda sucks when you build someone up to be something and then they are sooo not that thing.

Onto better news, I just got back from DC and I had sooo much fun. I visited four schools; loved two and really disliked two others. I went by myself and it was an experience that I needed. I walked every where and Metroed like a pro. It was great. I learned that I can be self-sufficient. I also learned that I need to grow up a bit, which relates to the first paragraph. Being in CA under my parents has really stifled me in regards to my personal growth. That is why I applied to no California law schools because as much as I love them, the only way for me to grow is to be out from under them.

All and all, it was a great trip except for the last day. LOL. I learned a lot about myself and what I need to work on and actually it has helped my relationship with my boyfriend to because I sorted out some personal mind issues. Which is always a good thing. I wasn't ready to come home, but at some time the dream stops and we wake up.

DC Trippin

I am not talking about the smoking ban, because I am quite in favor of that. I actually think that EVERY STATE, COUNTY, whatever should do this. If you want to kill yourself with those cancer sticks, then you do so, but don't make me sit her and suffer just because you want to "release". I am straight off that. That's the only thing that I have enjoyed being in CA for the last three years... I didn't have to deal with going to a club and coming home smelling like an ashtray. It's not hot and does not get it. Sorry.

So the reason I am writting this post is because I will be going to DC really soon to check out some law schools and I am really excited. Thus DC... Trippin. Ha. I am going BY MYSELF... which is exciting for me because I can follow my own schedule. I never visited the monuments or anything of that nature and I am really excited about doing that for the first time.

Side Note: I decided not to visit University of Maryland, Baltimore. There has been 10 murders in B-More since Jan 1, 2007... it is Jan 11, 2007... there is an issue here. It's really not cute guys. Let's BE REAL.

By the way, NW hotels are so freaking expensive, it isn't even cool. But whatever. That's what you gotta do to up the lessen your chances of being a statistic. That sounds so bad to write that, but it is true.

Back in the days....

I am in one of those reflective moods. I get in these moods alot. Actually, I usually get in these moods when I am procrastinating. Today, I am procrastinating writting my personal statement. It's not that I don't have anything to say, because I do have a lot of things to say... they need to know why I have such an interest in education policy... however, I am having trouble writting it in a way that is not angry, but still meaningful at the same time.

Anyway... so I am here listening to Asheru and Blue Black and the Unspoken Word and it is bringing me back to the best year of my life at the best school ever!!!! I mean seriously, that was the best year of my life... to be honest, the only thing wrong with it was the fact that I was 3000 miles away from my parents and I only saw them three times in 10 months. That was harsh. But otherwise... I grew more in that short year, that I have in the three years that I was at the other school. Well, actually, the growth was a different type of growth. I learned who I was, what I liked, what kind of people that I wanted to keep company with and things of that nature. At home... I reverted back to high school quick. Everything that I learned about myself from MD, went in the toilet. It was only until my senior year (last year), that I got over the depression and lived life for everyday, which is my motto now.

Anyway, I seriously can't remember a time that I was happier. I was by myself... learning things about myself that I never thought were in me. I tried more things with an open mind than I ever had (except for drugs and alcohol, let's be real with our lives.. that's not me and that will never be me). I can still remember, over winter break (yes I was at school over winter break, the track team had to be back on January 2nd) I went out 5 out of an 8 day week. Can you say... dizzam. And it was fun as hell. Before MD, I had not been to a club or a party that was outside of a school dance.

I also went to events... especially the ones at the cultural center. I went to BSU meetings, poetry readings (they were good... I remember there was this one guy, I don't remember his name, but he wrote so well about his life it was so moving people were crying and stuff... not me though.. you know how I do), step shows... errrthang.

Above all, what I miss about my experiance at Maryland were the people. I have never met more people that I got along with and that did not judge me in my life. I was cool with everyone on my track team and most black people in my class and the sophomore class knew of me (come on, I was the one of two black girls from california in my class). One of my friends I met there, I'll call her Eliza (not her name, but who puts real names on here), is still one of my best friends. Another guy friend and I have kept in contact and have actually grown closer even though we are seperated. I have never met more real people in my life.

I can remember the feeling that I had then. I didn't know what it was, but it was happiness. I was introduced to so many things... living in SNOW, just everything. Going to the diner for late night was a standard activity. It started with me, I would AIM, or call Eliza (it had to start with me because I lived the farthest away from the diner), then I would swing by her dorm which was next to mine. Then we would swing by the other dorm in our "quad" where our friends Fola and Zamp (not their names either...) lived and we would go to the diner to chill out from studying. This was a daily thing. Fun as all get out.

I remember the house (eff that apartment/dorm room) parties we used to go too. It would be so many people in there that it was scary, but we were having so much fun, it didn't even matter. I even met Juan Dixon at one of the parties (I was in love with that dude Senior year of high school). I remember one party at the courtyards, there were so many people in the little living room/apartment. We had heard earlier that day that this one chick wanted to fight this other chick over a dude or something of that nature. So me and the three other aforementioned girls were there dancing or whatever, and these girls just start fighting kinda in the corner. Ok, so they finished, and we thought everything was cool. No. Not even a little bit. Two other dudes started fighting and people start falling and somehow I got pushed up against a wall with a whole bunch of other people. I couldn't breath and stuff... and I see a whole so I go for it... bad idea. The guys start coming in my direction and I end up tripping over them and falling but I got out... there was hella screaming and stuff going on. So I'm outside (the party was on the fifth floor and I am outside at the bottem in a quickness) and I realized that my fast track behind left my friends... so I decide to take on for the team and go back to find them. So I am running back up the stairs when everyone in their right mind is running DOWN the stairs. I see Eliza and Fola and I'm like, "Where's Zamp?" And they are like, she is still inside somewhere. So we go inside.. still fighting, and where is she? She is on the couch watching these dudes beat each other up. She wasn't spectating, but she was on the couch hugged up to her knees rocking. She just froze. We were like, "Get your ass over here"... and we ran out... and as soon as we get out we hear sirens. Now at UMCP, they have a MO to arrest anyone they can find that is outside of a party to make examples out of them, so we had to run our little happy buts back to campus. NOT COOL (at that time, it's funny now).

Two more stories, then I am done remenicing. I remember it was time for me to get my hair braided for the first time in MD, and I didn't know where any BLACK hair supply stores were. So I go on yahoo and find that the "nearest" was in Laurel, which is 20 minutes away. So, like a dumbass, I follow these directions (didn't bother to ask anyone from my track team or anything). So I end up mad lost, in a not so good neighborhood. So unlike AC Transit, there is no number to call to ask about bus scheduling or anything. So I called my mom, because I was there for like 2 hours with no bus coming back. I was crying and junk all scared because it was getting late and my phone was dying and I didn't know how to get back. She yahoo mapped my way back. That was probably the most scared I have ever been for my life, but once again, when I look back on it, it is now funny, and I grew from it so it is all good.

Last story, I promise. So, I was sometime in February. Me and the three aforementioned friends are bored, so we decide to go to our all time favorite club... THE RITZ. It is no longer there due to fire safety issues and such. Anyhoo, anyone that went to black clubs in the DC area should know the ritz. It was grimey as hell, but the reggae room was off the "chizane". They had a total of three rooms... the B-More club room, the Hip-hop/Rap room, and finally, the reggae room. Anyway, so it was the last night the club was going to be open anyway so we decided to go. NOTE: IT WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO SNOW. Anyway, so we get in there, HELLA people were in there and it was "popping". Anyway, so Fola was dancing with this dude, and this other dude tried to dance with her and the dudes started fighting. So I tap her, point to the door as a signal it was time to go and we all jet. So, at this point it is about 1:45, which was an early departure for us. So we get out the door and it is WHITE outside. It must have dropped four inches of snow in the three hours we were there. Long story short. We couldn't get a cab... we tried to stay at a the Marriot on 10th Street NW, but they were sold out. We went over to some unknown hotel, which looked like a ho motel, and our key broke off in the door. NOT a good sign. We finally found a cab, and it took 2 hours (on a normal day 30 minutes) to get back. Not a good night. But I was talking about it with Eliza a couple of days ago and we were rolling. To give you an idea of how bad it was, we were out of school due to incliment weather for the next four school days.

Those were the good old days.

Bureaucracy... Really though?

I ran track at one college for a year transfered to another school across the country and never really looked back... until a couple of days ago. The school that will remain unnamed... lets call it Easton school (don't get it twisted, the school I went to and the school that I graduated from were both D1 NCAA schools as well as Top 30 academic schools) was playing on TV and I saw in the student section their letter jackets. They were nice... I remember going to a track meet in New York the year after I transfered and I saw the letter jackets and thought they were nice, but since I was with the new school, I thought it would be somewhat inappropriate to get that jacket. But now that I have graduted and technically hold no allegiances to either school... I WANT THAT LETTER JACKET.

So I call what I think to be Easton schools athletic department and it's academic support who then transfers me to the track coach's phone number. This is a new coach who doesnt know who I am and it was quite awkward like... yeah, I only ran track on the team for a year and you don't know me, but I want my jacket. He said that he saw my name in the record... however because I was transfered, I would need approval from my old coach. I mean really, what am I supposed to do, call the old coach (who I REALLY didn't like) and be like, "Yeah, where's my jacket that you owe me from that one horrific track year where you made me gain 20 pounds and I was chronically injured and we got into arguments every day?"

Anyway, so I decided to email the Assistant Athletic Director in charge of Varsity Sports. I am just saying. I do want the jacket, but it is not extra crucial that I get it. HOWEVER, it is the principle. I shouldnt have to go through all of this. My name is there, I was there dammit. Look in the media guide. I scored points, gimme my jacket. Not even that serious. They just make rules to feel all important and stuff. It's really not cute. Not even a little bit.

Last Random Post of the Day

So I'm on Rhapsody, and for some reason, I get into these moods where I just listen to all kinds of old music. So, for some reason, tonight I'm on Parliament Funkadelic, George Clinton, and ever other name they even served under. It made me start thinking about when I saw George Clinton in concert when I was in MD. That was the best concert I have ever been to in my life. It was outside and it was in Byrd Stadium... so it was ample dancing room on the field. It was a good amount of people there too, but there was also a Dru Hill concert that night, and you know people from Baltimore love them some Dru Hill. Anyhoo... I remember most vividly was Sir Nose... now I don't know if this was the same Sir Nose they used in the 70's or what, but he was still hot as hell. I don't care what anybody says. Me and my friends were just standing there watching him gyrate and stuff. LOL. I mean ole dude had BODY. It was great.

Books Are Pretty Durn Helpful

Last year, in my African American Studies class I read "Mama Day", by Gloria Naylor. This is "mos def" my favorite book for two reasons. The first reason is because I absolutly love the way it's written. For me, the mos tinteresting types of books are those that start out in the present and then recount how people got there. It makes it all the more interesting and meaningful when at the end you are back to where you started. The second reason I love this book is because it taught me a lesson that helped me get over 2 year depression about leaving Maryland.

It is not possible to go back and revisit a particular place in time. It is possible to revisit a specific physical place, but once time intervienes... it is literally impossible to return to what was. People change, settings change. This piece of knowledge let me know that even if I went back to Maryland, it wouldn't be like it was my freshman year. So I started accepting where I was and quickly got out of my depression and started excelling in academics and track... doing me basically. LOL. So yeah, I owe a lot to this book because if I had not read that one sentance when I did, there's no telling where I'd be. No no no. I wouldn't be a crack ho or anything... but I probably wouldnt have ended up with my ending GPA or on the top 10 all-time list in 4 events at my school. I mean seriously.

SO the point of this is to say that I am ready to go back to DC/VA/MD finally. I mean before, I wasn't ready. I mean I was, but not mentally. I think before, I just wanted to go back to freshman year, when I knew who I was, when I had the most fun that I had ever had in my entire life, to go back to when people liked me FOR ME and I didn't have to pretend. Now, 95 percent of my friends from freshman year are out of college like me and not around that area anymore. I genuinly did like the area and I am ready to go back and make a new life for myself there.

Plus, there are so many things that I missed out doing while I was there out of fear. Now most people would think... fear of comming out of my shell and stuff of that nature. No I mean fear of being shot (DC Sniper was like 5 miles away from campus), fear of getting bombed (always helicopters and sirens in DC right after Sept. 11... not a settling feeling). I feel stupid now, cuz I only went to one museum and that was because I had to.

This post came up because I was downloading some music... and for some reason, I started downloading all kinds of dance hall from like 2002/2003. I mean seriously, the feelings that rushed back to me were feelings that I never felt after leaving MD. They don't play that kind of music out here. They don't have the same clubs. It is just a lot. And it is not necessarily a place in time that I want to return to, but a physical place. A place where I can like what I like and other people like it too. A place where they play what I like to hear on the radio. A place where people don't judge you as much as they do over here. I cannot wait.