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The Bar Sucks

That is all...go on ahead and finish whatever you were doing...

Achtung!!!!! I'm BACK!

So the "I'm back" is in reference to too things. First, I'm sort of kind of back blogging. Yeah, they say your 3L year is the easiest...someone surely lied to me but I don't remember who it was. If I remembered, I'd be coming after them. I had no freaking time for ANYTHING. See, I'm flashing back. Second, I am back in Maryland after a 7 year vacation. Freaking finally. Aside from those to things, a lot of other interesting things have happened to me in the past 7 months since I last posted. Lets take a look see shall we:

1. I graduated law school. I am officially a "JD". Shoot, I'm calling myself a doctor. Whatever.
2. Stated studying for the Maryland Bar Exam. OMG.
3. I broke up with my boyfriend of 6 years.
4. I was single for 6 months.
5. Acquired a new boyfriend...who happened/happens to be my best guy friend in the world.
6. I moved back to Maryland
7. I got a job
8. Acquired a doorman lol
9. Found out who my real friends were
10. Alot of other random stuff that shant be mentioned.

Point being, it has been a very eventful 6 months for me. I suspect these next six months will be quite eventful as well.

So I've been here for a month, and I'm already loving it. I love the culture, I love the atmosphere...I even love the weather. It's like a happy medium between California weather and Texas weather. That being said, I only still kept in contact with two people here (one being my current boyfriend) so I don't know too many people yet. I feel slightly isolated, but part of htat is because I spend hours upon hours studying for the bar. I know that these feelings will probably go away when i start my job, but in case they don't...I have a full proof plan. I plan on joining as many organizations as humanly possible. Even thinking of joining an alumni chapter of a sorority. Oh shoot.

Point being, I want to make Maryland my permanent home so I want to put down some fixtures (or roots as non legal people would call them) so I feel like it is my home. When I was in Texas, i never put down any roots because I knew that I was going to be up out of there. Never changed my license plates, my drivers license, registration, insurance or ANYTHING. However, now I am. I mean shoot, I already went to the MVA (DMV) to get my registration done. I tried to remove my old license place from the vault, and I did get a little bit sad. Changing your license plate is like changing your identity. I joke, but I'm kiiiiiiiinda serious here.

But like i said, I'm really excited for this move, and I am ready to start my life here (again). It's actually kind of sad because I have been studying so hard that I havent really had a chance to go sightseeing or anything, but I'm getting there

I Love Me Some Snookie 'Nem

"You will no longer be part of steak and turf night. You will no longer be part of chicken cutlet night" Clean up my plate. Naw son, you clean up your own damn plate. Can't stand that dude. BUT that was one of the best quotes ever in life. Let's just be real here.

Best reality show for mtv in a while (besides Making His Band...whiiiich was awesome but didn't get a good response cuz there wasn't a lot of drama).

Updates on the crazyness that is my "love life"...

So, my birthday is at the end of next month and I am going to visit "Aduli". He tried to get me to also come for his birthday at the beginning of next month, but I have mock trial practice the day of his birthday and have to be back in Austin....sadness I know.

But the point is, im actually very excited about this for a couple of reasons...one more physical than the other. lol. So basically, we've been friends for about 7 years. And we've talked about everything for hours upon hours upon hours. And eventually we started tackling different subjects. At first, we just talked about how our days were, or what was bothering us and things like that. Then after a couple of years, we started talking about our love lives, things that we liked or disliked. Then after about year 4, we started talking about our actual feelings...not feelings toward each other, but just feelings and like really deep stuff. Then, we ventured into saying "sexual" things to each other...and like not in a lewd way, but I would always be like, "don't say anything nasty or inappropriate to me"...just because that wasn't our relationship and we were just friends.

Then started law school and he started for really working. I think it was at that point that our relationship changed from being a teenager like friendship (even though we were like 23/24 at that time) to like an adult friendship. And then the latest step...the step after the visit. We were actually for really honest about how we felt about each other, and the visit and everything like that. THEN, we started talking on the PHONE....whaaaaaat?!?!?!?!? That may not seem like a really big deal or anything, but it was kinda like an unspoken rule that we did not speak on the phone as a way of kinda keeping our feelings for each other in check. In 7 years, we talked on the phone a total of......2 times. The first time was 3 years ago when I visited DC and I didn't have internet and he sang happy birthday to me last birthday. BUT then of late, we've been talking to each other a couple of times a week. And we literally talk about everything....we sing christmas carols and even explored the foray of "sensual storytelling" (which by the way is awesome....sensual storytelling is NOT the equiv. of phone sex ok....don't be gross).

But no joke...I'm kinda living freely for the first time in a really long time, and I absolutely love it. The whole reason I wouldn't talk to him on the phone or not allow us to talk about our feelings is because I feel so incredibly strong for him and it scares me. I don't want him to be able to hurt me and because I've known him for so long, I know that he will be able to. But honestly, even if I do end up getting hurt, it will be worth it because of how he makes me feel.

And I'm not trying to jinx anything, but this really is kinda crazy to me. He's never been able to keep interest in a girl that he's dating for longer than a month. And this is girls IN DC. And even though we aren't dating, i've kept him leashed for about 2 months and I'm 1700 miles away. And he even said it. We were talking yesterday and he was like, "I'm not even going to lie, I am still completely enthralled by you. You'd think I'd be over you by now but it (our experience together....we did not relate) was just that good/amazing...just know I think VERY highly of you." And that is like one of the best compliments I think I have ever gotten, simply because I think it took a lot for him to even say that to him.

But I'm just so excited because I know he's excited to see me too. He just keeps mentioning it too. Loving it. Talking about, "Think of you're visit as the best first date you will ever have in your life. You and me together for 48 entire hours. I'll take you out, do some cultural things and the rest of your time just blow your mind"....does that explain why I'm a little excitable? That's my DUDE son.....

Effing Gracious

What is this that is going on? Is it a result of boredom or possibly of something else? Who knows. I just know that I wish I didn't think about this dude as much as I do. It's like, really...it shouldnt be this crucial for me at this juncture, but for some reason...I just have this intense feeling. But is the feeling for him, or am I just happy that I am finally able to feel again? Only time will tell I suppose. Possibly in a month, when we see each other again, I will be able to tell if there is something more, however, until them...I just wish I didn't think about him like I do.

Almost wanna go back to the times of not feeling...like I've done for the past 3 years. Dang man. Effing this ish up for me.

My Upcoming Birthday

So... since this is my year that I am treating myself and living for ME and doing what the flip I want to do. I am going to see one of my favorite pianists because he's playing ON my birthday. Yeah does it matter that it is Thursday and I have class on Thursdays? Naw not really...I've never really celebrated my birthday before in 25 years of life, so I am doing it for the 26th dammit. Taking Thursday through Sunday off for ME.

I'm not playing. Finna let loose. Yessir! Super excitable x43.

Slight Job Related Stress

So.....I really need to get this freaking PMF fellowship OK. Like the need is not a joke right now. My dad is freaking out about my decision to take the bar in Maryland. His main "supposed" argument is because I don't have a job as of yet. But I know that it is mainly because he wants me to be in California closer to him. But what did I say? I am not living my life for anyone else right now except myself.

The only thing about the PMF fellowships is that they are not attorney positions. But do I want to do legal work anyway? I guess I've always really wanted to do work in federal government... so does it really matter? But if I did get appointed as a fellow at an agency, I would still take the bar because that would just be silly now.... Silly. Oh I really hope I get this!

My Final Answer

So I have decided to make a decision that I was too chicken to make 3 years ago...I'm moving back to Maryland. Yes. I am. Why? Because I've wanted to be there for the past 6 years of my life, but it didn't quite match up. And finally, I am given a fresh start, so I am going to do what I want to do with my own life.

And this is a decision for ME. I'm making it only because and for ME. After I graduate in May, I'm going to move to MD and take the bar. I am in the selection process for a federal fellowship as well as a couple of possible judicial clerkships so I have possibilities. But if all of these fall through, I still think I need to be over there in order to establish a network and relationships for people to hire me.

And I'm following my moms words, if it doesn't work out, I can always come back to California, and see what's good there. But its about time that I start taking some chances in my life. Tired of living scared and living "logically".